Countdown to the Rapture, NGM Edition – Day 5

We’re into single digits – there are now only 5 full days left ’til the end of the world.  Today is a Monday, and if we’re lucky it’ll be the last damn Monday we have to face.  Mind you, there’s a trade off; end of the world and all.  I’m continuing to highlight a different thing each day that I’m NOT GONNA MISS come the Rapture, and I’m counting on YOU to comment if you haven’t yet with your own NGM thoughts as well – I’m keeping the list, and I’ll tally them up and see what we’re all least likely to miss at the end of all things.

Number 10:  Donald Trump’s Hair.
Number 9:  People who can’t drive in bad weather.
Number 8:  Annoying Facebook status update memes.
Number 7:  Cheap Beer.
Number 6:  Natural Disasters.
Number 5:  Prophesies about the End of the World that turn out to be wrong.

From Mother Shipton and Nostradamus to Al Gore and Harold Camping, they’ve let us down so many times.  The world will end on Y2K.  The world will end today, or tomorrow, or the next week, or Real Soon Now.  Hurry hurry, the end is at hand, and we’re all about to buy it.  They spin us up, get us ready, and then – whoosh, the date for The End goes by like a thousand other deadlines before it.  So, just because I’m sure everyone needs a small ray of hope to cling to, here’s the Official Big Ugly Prediction you’ve been waiting for:

  1. We’re all gonna die.
  2. Probably not all on the same day.

There, was that so hard?  You’ve never heard a more accurate prediction than that, and you probably never will.  I’m tired of these Chicken Little clowns getting people all spun up, getting everyone ready for the end, and getting it wrong.  It didn’t end when they turned on the Large Hadron Collider, it didn’t end when all our clocks turned 00-00-00-00-00 etc., and it didn’t end when Michael Jackson died.  The world seems pretty resilient.  If this one is really the big one, so be it.  If not, I’m going have to add Mr. Harold to the list of people I’m Not Gonna Miss next time.

And it’s probably not going to be, either.  In discussing the upcoming Rapture with Number One Son, he expressed his disdain for the current prediction.  I asked him why, and he explained:  “Daddy, the 21st is a Saturday.  Douglas Adams made it very clear that the Earth will be destroyed on a Thursday.” 

His point is as valid as any I’ve heard.

So please Lord, because I’m Not Gonna Miss all the weenies trying to outguess You – call the Rapture on May 21st.  Even if it is a Saturday.

2 Responses to “Countdown to the Rapture, NGM Edition – Day 5”

  1. These posts remind me of the Family Guy episode where the Rapture happens and the only people left on Earth are Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson and they start making out.

  2. @Emilie: LOL, Ewwwwww!

Discussion Area - Leave a Comment