Countdown to the Rapture, NGM Edition – Day 7
Seven days, that’s all she wrote – a cosmic ultimatum note! As we plan for our End of Days party on the 21st, I’m highlighting a different thing each day that I’m NOT GONNA MISS come the Rapture. Please continue to comment with your own NGM thoughts as well – I’m keeping the list, and I’ll tally them up and see what we’re all least likely to miss at the end of all things.
Number 10: Donald Trump’s Hair.
Number 9: People who can’t drive in bad weather.
Number 8: Annoying Facebook status update memes.
Number 7: Cheap Beer.
Look, let’s be blunt: I’m a snob. I get that. I’m a beer snob. I used to, by which I mean before I had kids running around underfoot, make my own beer. I grew up in the 1970s, a decade when Americans took their eye off the ball long enough for Budweiser to start putting rice in their beer. I’m told that an ice cold Bud in the shade was a good thing, back in the 1950s – and don’t get me wrong, I’m sure it’s a fine thing still. Sex in a canoe is nice too, and just like Bud these days, it’s fucking close to water.
Fritz Maytag over with Anchor, along with Jim Koch from Sam Adams and the home brewing movement in the mid 1990s tried to rescue us, and we may be winning the battles for the bottles. But I still walk into bars and, on inquiring, am told, “No micros, no imports, no bottles.” Do you know how awful it is to have to drink water in a bar? Cheap beer still has a chokehold on the American beer drinker, and it’s just wrong.
I do worry about the Rapture in relation to beer – as we know, In Heaven There is no Beer. I think I’d better get a decent ale out of the fridge now, just in case – and lay in a one week supply! But really. I’m Not Gonna Miss cheap beer. There’s just no excuse any more.
So God, because I’m Not Gonna Miss cheap beer – call the Rapture on May 21. And please, have a few cold ones ready for us!
When the rapture comes, hide in the Brickskeller (is it still open in DC?) If God does not serve in heaven, then he’ll past by that place for sure. It’s like a bomb shelter for beer snobs.
Ah, great idea! It’s still there, but not called that anymore – under new management, I believe.