ManFAQ Friday: It’s all about the hey-hey

25 June, 2010 | | 9 Comments

It’s Friday, and that means answer time! I’ve kept a list of questions women have asked me about men over the years, and as a public service I will answer them, to help demystify the more malodorous gender for those of the gentler. These will be actual questions, posed by real women, and answered by a REAL man. What could go wrong?

Today’s Question: I would like to know the percentage of times a man gives a woman a compliment because he means it, versus the percentage of times he gives the compliment hoping for hey-hey later.

Answer: It’s actually an inverse relationship to how deserved the compliment is. If you’re ugly, he probably means it. If you cause traffic accidents just by crossing the street, it’s all about the hey-hey.

Now you know. Please, feel free to comment with any questions you’d like answered!

  1. Rima says:

    So I dated a guy for a few weeks. He was rushing things and I have had a lot of drama in my life lately so I asked hi
    to take it essy. He appeared to. One night (we were gonna meet up) and I got sick. Cancelled with him bc I wasn’t feeling well. Next morning, I told him how sick I was and he offered to take me to the doctor. I said ok and he did. He was as sweet as ever. Next day I called him and he said he wld come over to hang out. He didn’t show. I called him and he said that he was busy cleaning his place and that he wld call me later. He didn’t. 3 days later, I called him a few times and he didn’t pick up the phone. I sent him a few text messages he ignored. I left him a message saying that if he just met someone else to tell me. Nothing. It’s been a few weeks and I hadn’t contacted him again. Yesterday, he called me but didn’t leave a message. Oh and did I mention that he told me he loved me the first day we met ? Confused.

  2. admin says:

    Dear Confused: It’s easy to say Hey, and it’s fun to say hey-hey, but it’s easiest to say nothing at all when they have something to say. He doesn’t want to admit to your face, even over the phone, that when he says “I love you” on meeting a woman, what he means is “Are you available for hey hey?” There are a lot of fish in the sea, and most of them taste like crap. I say throw him back and re-hook your line; if he’s bailing on you, grab your best looking girlfriend and use her as bait for the next one. Besides, would you really want him to call now that you know he’s an ass hat?

  3. sher says:

    ok. what exactly constitutes “hey-hey”? ;-)

  4. admin says:

    Wreke, it’s Hey-Hey, you know, c’mere, wink wink, nudge nudge… Are you a go’er? Hey Hey!

  5. Katrina says:

    Please help me understand why some men can’t clean up after themselves (I have known very clean and tidy men so I know it doesn’t apply to all, just the majority!).

    My husband leaves his trash on the counter just above the garbage can. He leaves his dirty dishes on the counter, just above the empty dishwasher. He will cut bread on the spotless counter of a spotless kitchen and then leave the crumbs, knife and butter out. He leaves wadded up paper towels on the counter, claiming he will reuse but never does. This behavior baffles me.

  6. admin says:

    Dear Baffled: This is actually a corollary to the “5-second” rule, which states that dirt and germs don’t begin to accrue on an object until 5 seconds have gone by. Cleaning that stuff involves dirt that just got there, so of course it doesn’t need to be cleaned right away. We make a few halfhearted swipes with the other side of the tissue we just used and move on with our lives. If you leave it there long enough, we’ll probably get to the rest of it.

  7. ManFAQ Friday: Stroke of Genius - Big Ugly Man Doll says:

    […] And then there’s the verb, which is (A) fun to say, (B) fun to do, and (C) more likely what you’re talking about.  We don’t like having strokes nearly as much as we like stroking – and being stroked.  Why do you think there are more teen pregancies on crew teams than cheerleading squads?  “Stroke!”  “Why, yes please!”   “Stroke!”  “Oh, cockswain?”  Once we’ve gotten you thinking about stroking something – of yours, or of ours, and really, any part of our anatomy is pretty much fair game, we’re not picky about where you start stroking – we’re pretty much on the zipline to the Hey Hey.  And as we know, it’s all about the Hey Hey.   […]

  8. ManFAQ Friday: You're sick? Well, I'm dead. | Big Ugly Man Doll says:

    […] So, yeah, you’re not feeling well.  He’s on his last legs, near death.  He just didn’t want to mention it because it’s not manly (unless he has pneumonia, which is bitchin cool), and besides, if he had told you how unwell he was, you might not think he was up for a little Hey Hey later.  […]

  9. National Coming Out Day, Big Ugly Style | Big Ugly Man Doll says:

    […] So that’s why I’m joining the ranks of “straight allies” and posting this.  As I’ve mentioned before, I’m about 93 percent attracted to women, 5 percent attracted to men, 2 percent attracted to goats and sheep, and 100 percent attracted to SOBUMD.  There was only one time I’ve been disappointed to learn a friend was a lesbian, and the only reason I was disappointed was because it dramatically reduced my chances of sleeping with her.  (Because, as we know, it’s all about the Hey Hey.)  […]

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