Big Ugly Man Doll

Here we are, kicking off February with a Friday, and it’s answer time at the ManFAQ.  Once again I don my manly mantle as Sage of the Sexes, helping demystify the more malodorous gender for those of the gentler, as we add to the list of questions women have asked about men over the years.  Actual questions, posed by real women, and answered by a REAL man. 

What could go wrong?

Question:  What makes him flirt with everyone who walks past in heels and a skirt?  I had to tell him the last one was a drag queen, for god sake!

Answer:   There are many reasons for this; good reasons, bad reasons, new reasons, old reasons.  Among them include the more obvious, such as “he’s an asshole,” and the more esoteric, to wit, “he’s evolved to be predisposed to spread his genetic code as far as he can,” i.e., he’s an asshole.  Let’s dive deeper.

When he sees a beautiful woman, most of his neural network goes into “reset” mode.  Those of us who process information faster tend to snap out of it in a second or two, but trust me that all of us do this.  It’s not that he doesn’t like you, love you, or respect you – it’s not even that he thinks she’s better looking than you are.  It’s just that for that blip of time while his brain is resetting, he’s forgotten you exist, much less that you exist in a state of mounting irritation since you’re sitting across from him and he’s starting to drool. 

He’s flirting because he’s wired that way – short skirt, long hair, it’s an automatic reflex.  The problem is that he’s forgetting you’re there, watching him “innocently talking” to a 22-yr-old bombshell who probably thinks he looks like her dad.  If you hit him hard enough, he’ll snap out of it – unless there are pheromones involved.   Trust me, if his subconscious thinks she smells like motherhood and apple pie, you’ve probably noticed that you need a two-by-four.  There’s a reason some perfumes are banned in Boston, baby. 

So try to not beat him up too badly – remember he’s not really driving the bus, doing most of the thinking, most of the time.  A simple “eyes over here, buster” should usually push the reset button back where it should be.  Also, Chanel #5 is better than a 2×4 every day. 

Now you know.  Please, feel free to comment!  Also, forward any questions you’d like answered to BUMD – at – biguglymandoll.com!  As always, your anonymity is guaranteed!

Tags: Children // Add Comment »