ManFAQ Friday: He’s in the Dark

25 January, 2013 | | 4 Comments

Here we are, another Friday, and it’s answer time at the ManFAQ. Once again I don my manly mantle as Sage of the Sexes, helping demystify the more malodorous gender for those of the gentler, as we add to the list of questions women have asked about men over the years. Actual questions, posed by real women, and answered by a REAL man.

What could go wrong?

Question: Why is it that almost all of his “plans” are spontaneous? I’d like to go to a movie or dinner, sure, but not tonight. Why does it seem like he doesn’t think more than 5 minutes ahead?

Answer: There are number of reasons for this, some of which were covered more specifically under Planning Parties. More generically, we tend to think about “the future” in two distinct categories:

  1. A period of time not exceeding the next 12 hours.
  2. “You know, a while from now,” which includes a range as soon as “tomorrow” and as late as “sometime in this life or the next.”

Needless to say, we don’t spend a lot of time on the second category. That leaves the next few hours as our primary focus. This is because we are thinking about Hey Hey, and we don’t think about Hey Hey in the abstract – we think about it as something we’d like to do RIGHT NOW. The net effect of this, of course, is that if we’re asking you about plans, the little guy doing the thinking isn’t doing any long term planning, he’s thinking about tonight.

Having established who’s doing this so-called “planning,” you can safely assume that any plans that involve you and the next few hours are, in his mind, plans that could conceivably lead to Hey Hey. (Take this as flattering or not, as you will.)

So why do we not plan for that second category of time, that amorphous future sometime between more than 12 hours from now and forever? Now that you know who’s doing the planning, can you really expect long-term thinking from a 6-inch-tall dude who spends 99% of his time hanging out in the dark with a couple of nuts? Really, that might be asking too much. The next 5 minutes are all he plans for, because really, that’s about all his headlights are illuminating, if you know what I mean.

Now you know. Please, feel free to comment! Also, forward any questions you’d like answered to BUMD – at –! As always, your anonymity is guaranteed!



  1. Diane Henders says:

    Poor little guy, no wonder he doesn’t have much sense of time. Where is he going to find a watch that fits?

  2. Big Ugly Man Doll says:

    @Diane – Now THERE’s a marketing idea for an unmet need! “Introducing The CockWatch: The first fully functional cock-ring timepiece, from Swatch. Whether you’re working on your rhythm or just timing your quickie, this attractive cockclock will prove that time really does fly, while you’re having fun!”
    We should totally invent and sell those. We’ll be rich, I tell you, rich!

  3. Tony says:

    I am sure ‘lil guy’ is still trying to get over the trauma of your past with green nails and ham

  4. Diane Henders says:

    @BUMD – *ROLLING ON THE FLOOR*! Once I manage to pick myself up and wipe away my tears of laughter, I shall genuflect before your magnificent marketing moxie!

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