ManFAQ Friday: Why Wait?
Loyal and longtime readers will recall that from June 2010 through December 2011, Friday meant answer time at the ManFAQ. Now, by popular demand (and as part of my parole agreement), I will once again resume my manly mantle as the Sage of the Sexes, continuing to help demystify the more malodorous gender for those of the gentler. Friday will once again mean answer time, as we add to the list of questions women have asked about men over the years, and I will answer them.
As a slight shift during the year, just to keep us all on our toes, I’ll also be fielding questions from new and young parents about their kids – a KidFAQ, if you will. Since the three lunatic children here are getting to be older kids, I’m happy to pass on what I’ve learned as a parent so that others can learn from our stellar examples and brilliant mistakes.
We’ll kick off the year with the ManFAQ. Actual questions, posed by real women, and answered by a REAL man. What could go wrong?
Question: Why do you sit on that cold, hard toilet when you could just wait for the magic moment?
Answer: Let me tell you a story. Once upon a time, there was a little turtle. He was happy in his shell, but he was very shy. No, I’m kidding. Sometimes there’s a sense that without passing some time, he won’t be passing anything else, if you get my drift. Also, his mom used to leave him on that thing for hours, so the idea that he can take as long as he likes to take the pet turtle for a walk seems natural to him.
Sometimes this is an escape from all the other errands, and he’s taking 20 minutes out of his busy schedule to drop the kids off at the pool, well, hey, a Reader’s Digest! Sometimes comes in with a mission, but gets distracted by the reading material – particularly if you leave the Victoria’s Secret catalogue in there.
Also, he’s living with you, and it’s dollars to doughnuts that HE’S not the one doing the laundry. Am I right? He knows what happens if he waits too long for that magic moment, and he doesn’t want to get yelled at again!
Or maybe he’s just in there washing his hands. Honest!
Now you know. Please, feel free to comment! Also, forward any questions you’d like answered to BUMD – at – biguglymandoll.com! As always, your anonymity is guaranteed!
glad to see the ManFAQ back! btw, they do make padded seats, you know
“Washing his hands”. Uh-huh.
Hey, BUMD, I have a ManFAQ for you while you’re on the topic of the porcelain throne. (Note I didn’t say “while you’re on the porcelain throne”. ‘Cause, y’know, TMI.)
But my question is this: What is it about the words “Dinner’s ready” that stimulate the male elimination system? After extensive testing, I’ve discovered that “Dinner will be ready in 5 minutes” or “Dinner will be ready in a few minutes if you want to *wash your hands* now” or similar statements have no effect whatsoever. But “Dinner’s ready” precipitates an immediate dash to the bathroom and a good 5 – 10 minute delay before any male (not just Hubby – as I said, I’ve tested this extensively) arrives to sit down to the now-lukewarm meal.
Speak, oh Oracle. Please enlighten me.
Yes, washing his hands – I knew people would remember that line! Since you ask, you’re on – we can stick to the can for this week’s question as well. Thanks for asking!