Reason #1575 to Host a Sit-Com at My House

Tonight, I opened a fortune cookie that came with my Chinese food.  (SOBUMD is well enough to eat soft foods, into which category Hunan Tofu easily falls, and for which we are grateful and happy.)  I ate the end off the cookie, as is my custom, and peered into the hollow center like a gunfighter, knowing not what fate awaits me – knowing only to be brave, to face the cookie’s fortune for good or for ill.  (It is this “fate should not tempt me” attitude that lets me craft your Horoscopes every Friday with the frightening accuracy to which you’ve become accustomed.)

My cookie was empty.  There was no paper, no fortune, no future.  No, I hadn’t eaten it.  (Yes, I checked under my tongue.)  What kind of fortune awaits the man with no fortune at all?  The mind quails.

“Man, the budget cuts are really hitting everyone hard,” says the Human Tape Recorder.  “Don’t worry, I’ll share mine with you!”   So saying, she breaks open her cookie and goes to hand me part. 

“It’s not actually the ‘cookie’ part of the fortune cookie in which I seem deficient tonight…” I said.

“Oh, right, sorry,” she says.  “Here’s the fortune,” and here she pulled out the tiny slip of paper on which could depend our lives, and read as follows:

The weather is wonderful.

“What the hell kind of prediction is that?” she asked.  “I bet they don’t ship this one to Seattle.  The budget cuts are worse than we thought – they can’t even afford actual fortunes anymore.”

I’m just going to retire and let the 13-yr-old write the jokes for a while.

6 Responses to “Reason #1575 to Host a Sit-Com at My House”

  1. It clearly runs in the family! Loved it! Hugs to SOBUMD xo

  2. Isn’t it nice to know you’ve passed on such an important part of your genetic makeup?

    Fortune cookies here have gone exactly the opposite direction. We usually get two, and sometimes even three fortunes per cookie. They’re usually contradictory, but sometimes they make an eerie kind of sense: “Travel is not advisable” and “You will soon take a long journey”. So what are you trying to say…?

  3. she is clearly a chip off the old block (wait, there’s no chips in fortune cookies…) hugs to all!

  4. @Kirsty – no doubt, and thanks!

  5. @Diane – That’s wild – all the fortunes are moving north to Canada. Although the idea of opening a cookie with two mutually exclusive fortunes in it sounds like an invitation to a tie-breaker cookie…

  6. @ Michelle – I guess the ones with the chips are in Canada too. ;-)

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