Big Ugly Man Doll

It’s Friday, and answer time doesn’t wait just because it’s Black Friday!  I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving, for those of you who celebrated such yesterday, and that everyone had a wonderful day yesterday, for those of you who don’t. 

For those of you who have commented with questions from previous ManFAQs, thank you. I’m adding yours to the list of questions women have asked about men over the years, and I will answer them all in turn – to continue to demystify the more malodorous gender for those of the gentler.  Actual questions, posed by real women, and answered by a REAL man. What could go wrong?

Question:   Is the way to his heart really through his stomach?  Does his belly really do as much of his thinking as his tonker?

Answer:    Ooooh yes.  One of Robert Heinlein’s characters once said something like “Study how to please a man for years, make a science of it, and as soon as I find a good one he rolls over for the first pretty face who can cook.”   And she wasn’t too far wrong – most of us, much as I hate to admit it, do need to get out of bed eventually. 

Even the immortal (well, he’s working on it) Jeff Foxworthy has noticed this; he once boiled down all men’s deep basic needs to two things: “I want a beer, and I want to see something nekkid.”  Yep.   

In the presence of food, when we’re hungry, we’re as much slaves to our guts as to our gonads.  “Why did you eat that?” is often answered with something very much like “It was there.”  If it’s not VERY clearly labeled, such as “this is for the party tomorrow with your mother and if you eat a slice of it before the party I will cut off your hand and feed it to the dog,” he probably thinks it’s fair game.  We expend a LOT of energy during the day – stop laughing, this is a true statement.  Think about it:  (1) thinking requires brainpower.  (2) brainpower uses up almost as many calories as exercise.  (3) men think ALL THE TIME.  (Granted, they’re thinking about Hey Hey, but they’re very diligent about thinking about it all the time.)  (4) ergo, we’re always hungry, from using up all that energy thinking about what you look like with your clothes off. 

And then there’s the whole bit about sensous eating, which is usually done with your mouth.  There’s a reason we call it Food Porn, but that’s probably another post. 

So yes, a degree from the Culinary Institute is as or more likely to net you a husband as one from the Courtesan College in Las Vegas. 

And for the guys – remember, Contemplate Before You Masticate!  Should you eat that?  Maybe you’d better check!  After all, you don’t want to be this guy:

A replacement wedding cake topper - because something "mysteriously happened" to the original.

Now you know. Please, feel free to comment! Also, forward any questions you’d like answered to BUMD – at – biguglymandoll.com!