Posts tagged ‘Children’

Outed!

3 December, 2014 | | 1 Comment

The Reigning Queen of Pink, Grand Duchess of Fluff, Lord High Protector of Barbies, and Baroness of the Hummingbirds just walked up to me this evening and announced that, quote, “Daddy, it wouldn’t surprise me if you were Bi.”

BUMD:  “Um, what?”
RQOP:  “You’re Bisexual.  Or at least you’re probably Bisexual.”
BUMD:  “Okaaaaaaaaaaaay…  May I ask how you came to this conclusion?”
RQOP:  “Oh, nothing.  I just have a feeling.”
BUMD:  “So, I’m setting off your Gaydar.”
RQOP:  “Well, Bi-dar, but yes.”

So, I guess I’m bi.  Who knew?  Mind you, this ties in with my theory that pretty much everyone is about 3 drinks from bi, but I really didn’t expect to be outed, while sober, by a 12-year-old whose total sexual experience is limited to The American Girl Body Book and a handful of tampons. I guess I’d better pick up some flowers for my boyfriend tomorrow.

Bi-dar?  I’ve known this little pink thing for 12 years and she can still make me say “huh?”

 

Halloween & Happy Birthday

31 October, 2014 | | 1 Comment

Sixteen years ago, on this day, our lives were changed forever on the occurrence of the birth of the Human Tape Recorder.  Her life was changed just as much, in that she was born, which is, when you think about it, probably just as bizarre as having a baby.  We went from DINK yuppie scum to frightened parents in the blink of an eye, and she went from floating in a safe warm dimly-lit room to a weird, brightly-lit cavern with wind and air and stuff, and people poking at her and talking to her.  Her first reaction was to poop, and I was so nervous I nearly did the same.  We’ve come a long way since then!

So without further ado, Happy Halloween and Happy Birthday to the Human Tape Recorder!  Sixteen years old and she’s still my walking memory bank.

Signs of Growing Up

26 September, 2014 | | 1 Comment

This morning, I overheard the following conversation between the Reigning Queen of Pink and her Alarm Clock.

“Beep!”

“Beep!”

“Beep!”

“Off!” 

“Beep!”

“Off!”

“Beep-Beep!”

“Off off off off!”

“Beep-Beep!”

“Off!”

“Be-Be-Beep!”

“Where’s the Off button?”

“Be-Be-Beep!”

“Be-Be-Beep!”

“Damnit!”

“Be-Be-Beep!”

“Off!”

…At which point she clearly found the button in question, since both sides of the conversation stopped abruptly.  Clearly, the RQoP is growing up – this is a conversation I believe every adult has had at least once. 

Happy Friday, and clearly, good morning.

Everybody’s a critic

25 July, 2014 | | 3 Comments

So there we were, at dinner, and to the surprise of no one at all, Number One Son says something that was, by any definition, highly inappropriate.  What it was, precisely, is not relevant to our story.

NOS:  [Highly inappropriate and disturbing remark]
BUMD:  “Son, that’s not appropriate.  You need to learn ….”  And here, I paused, trying to think of how to phrase this message.  After a pause of perhaps 20 seconds, I gave up.  It’s been a long week.
BUMD:  “Do you know what?  Never mind.”
Reigning Queen of Pink:  “Dad!!!  What the hell kind of pep talk was THAT?  You really suck at this!” 

Thanks, kid.

SOBUMD was howling with laughter.

I can’t WAIT to be a grandfather.  My kids are going to be SO frightened to bring their kids to Grandma and Grandpa’s house….

Take Me Where?

8 July, 2014 | | 2 Comments

Hey, yes, I know, it’s been forever.  Or at least, far too long.  As always, time gets away from me, and things get complicated.  In any event, this was worth sharing.

You might not be surprised to hear this, but I’m the kind of guy who walks around singing a lot.  This is somewhat unfortunate, considering my singing voice, but still.  Considering my advanced age, it probably won’t surprise you that many of the songs that I walk around singing are, shall we say, less than current.   Yesterday, while getting out the door to go shopping for cat food, Coke, and a 16-foot long 2×12 (you should see our dinners), I found myself singing Eddie Money’s “Take Me Home Tonight,” which I must have heard on the radio recently, since I seem to remember some of the words.

“I can feel your heart beat faster / Take me home tonight / I don’t want to let you go ’til we see the light / Take me home tonight…”

Whereupon Number One Son, in all his 14-yr-old glory, looks at me and interjects, “Well, OK, but you could at least buy me dinner first.”

 Fourteen years old and he’s still making me say, “Huh?”

I leave you with Eddie, Ronnie, and the ’80s. But please, buy her dinner first.