Big Ugly Man Doll

This week’s regularly scheduled ManFAQ Friday is being superseded by the disaster in Japan.  The 8.9 magnitude earthquake that in the early hours this morning (and mid afternoon in Japan) triggered fires, collapses, tsunamis, and much calamity was off the coast of Sendai, which is just south of a small coastal town called Ofunato.  Ofunato, as it happens, is where my internet friend, reader (and occasional commenter here on the BUMD site) HonorH lives.   She had updated her blog about 2 hours before the quake, and has been understandably off-line since.

Since the National Weather Service, which keeps track of such things as tsunamis as well, lists Ofunato as being one of the hardest hit areas of the disaster, I am dedicating this post to thinking good thoughts for her safe and swift return to the Internet.  I’m sure it will be a while before they have power and connectivity back in the area, so we will simply hold tight to all being well. 

From the NWS:
——————————————–

MEASUREMENTS OR REPORTS OF TSUNAMI ACTIVITY

 LOCATION                   LAT    LON     TIME        AMPL
 ————————  —–  ——  ——-     ———–
 BOSO  JAPAN               34.8N  140.8E  0600UTC   02.5FT/00.75M
 NAHA  JAPAN               26.2N  127.7E  1022UTC   01.6FT/00.49M
 OFUNATO  JAPAN            39.0N  141.8E  0603UTC   10.7FT/03.25M
 OMAEZAKI  JAPAN           34.6N  138.2E  0809UTC   04.6FT/01.39M
 TOKAI  JAPAN              33.8N  137.6E  0649UTC   00.8FT/00.23M
 TOSASHIMIZU  JAPAN        32.8N  132.9E  0753UTC   03.0FT/00.91M
 KWAJALEIN  MARSHALL ISL    8.7N  167.7E  1049UTC   01.0FT/00.30M
 MIDWAY IS.  USA           28.2N  177.4W  1044UTC   05.1FT/01.55M
 WAKE IS.  USA             19.3N  166.6E  0918UTC   01.7FT/00.52M
 LEGASPI  PHILIPPINES      13.2N  123.8E  1020UTC   01.1FT/00.32M
 DUTCH HARBOR  AK          53.9N  166.5W  1134UTC   01.6FT/00.48M
 NIKOLSKI  AK              52.9N  168.9W  1156UTC   01.4FT/00.41M
 FRENCH FRIGATE SHOALS     23.5N  166.2W  1334UTC   01.8FT/00.56M
 ST PAUL IS.  AK           57.1N  170.3W  1225UTC   02.0FT/00.61M
 SAND POINT  AK            55.3N  160.5W  1320UTC   00.7FT/00.22M
 MANUS  PAPUA NEW GUINEA    2.0S  147.4E  1138UTC   01.2FT/00.36M
 NAWILIWILI KAUAI  HI      22.0N  159.4W  1301UTC   01.6FT/00.48M
 BARBERS POINT  HI         21.5N  158.0W  1312UTC   02.3FT/00.70M
 HONOLULU OAHU  HI         21.3N  157.9W  1318UTC   02.1FT/00.64M

TIME – TIME OF MEASUREMENT
AMPL – TSUNAMI AMPLITUDES ARE MEASURED RELATIVE TO NORMAL SEA LEVEL.  IT IS …NOT… CREST-TO-TROUGH WAVE HEIGHT.  VALUES ARE GIVEN IN BOTH METERS(M) AND FEET(FT).

——————————————–

Next Friday we will return to our regularly scheduled ManFAQ; for today, please think good thoughts for all those affected by the quake.

Tags: Children // 2 Comments »

A slightly edited version of the email SOBUMD received this morning: 

Dear Parent or Guardian. This is an important message from Your Elementary School regarding an absence. Please contact your child’s school at 888-867-5309 to discuss the reason for the absence.
Attendance and active participation in class are crucial to a student’s academic achievement and to the opportunity to realize his or her full potential, from kindergarten through high school.
Your child, The Reigning Queen of Pink, was marked absent all day on 3/10/2011.

Since SOBUMD had personally dropped off said child, and had actually witnessed said child entering the school in question, you can imagine that this raised some concerns.  She also received an automated call stating same, further elevating her blood pressure.

Before I keep you in further suspense, there was a substitute teacher today.  She managed to check the wrong box.  No emergencies.

But here’s a difference between myself and SOBUMD:  While she did, in fact, have a minor cardiac event, she calmly called the school and sorted things out.  She did not panic, fly off the handle, or endanger anyone.

I’m very glad that she’s home with the kids.  And not, for example, me.  Because I might have been at the school before the automatic call had finished speaking, swords drawn, asking impolite questions of well meaning people and talking very quickly.  Someone could have gotten hurt.  Probably me, really, but that’s not the point.  The point is that SOBUMD is very level headed.  And I’m very glad of this.

Tags: Children // 1 Comment »

It’s Friday, and that means answer time! For those of you who have commented with questions from previous ManFAQs, thank you. I’m adding yours to the list of questions women have asked about men over the years, and I will answer them all in turn – to continue to demystify the more malodorous gender for those of the gentler.  Actual questions, posed by real women, and answered by a REAL man. What could go wrong?

Question:   Why do you get twice the credit and attention for doing the damn dishes than we do?  In fact, why do you get ANY credit for doing them?  Did you not eat off those?

Answer:   The question is not “why do we get credit?”  You know why.  We get credit because our society has undervalued women for centuries and is only now starting to get its collective head out of its ass.  Our “role” has been to bring home the food – we kill it, you cook it.  Since we’re seen as the great mighty providers, we then get to watch sports while you first cook our meal, then clean up after we’ve made a nice, manly, testosterone-fueled mess of the feast.  If we stir a finger to help you with the cooking and cleaning – traditionally women’s roles – society still Oohs and Ahhs over it.  

So the question is, why do we accept credit for it?  This is simpler – because it’s there.  It’s hard to resist being called wonderful for something you were going to do anyway, for something you know you should be doing as a matter of course.  Getting credit for doing our fair share as an equal partner?  It’s like finding ten Hey Hey tokens while taking out the trash!  Who’s not going to pick that up?  

So, yeah, we know we don’t deserve it.  Sadly, until our society stops handing out free tokens for it, most of us will take them.

Now you know.  Please, feel free to comment!  Also, forward any questions you’d like answered to BUMD – at – biguglymandoll.com!

Tags: Children // 2 Comments »

Yesterday was just annoying.  The whole damn day was irritating.  I was going to post a nice shiny recap of the month, but the day got away from me, and I’m ranting instead.  Mondays, bah.

It started with getting up, which wasn’t very nice, and then rolled into showering, which you would think would have some satisfying naked bits.  But you would be wrong.  The water from the shower just fell from the nozzle limp and as bored as a teenager at a wedding, and it fell at just that never-quite-as-hot-as-you-wanted temperature, vacillating between tepid and scalding.  A Rahm Emanuel of showers.  I got out as soon as I could. 

I woke the kids up after that, and at 8, 10, and tweenager you can imagine what a fun job that is.  Like little unlit bulbs, they were all simply delighted to arise and face the day. 

Dropping the younger two off at their respective schools reminded me of the article I read recently that explained in no uncertain terms that it’s always the moms who deal with the schools, which annoyed the holy crap out of me.  (It’s true, all of the crap in me that was holy has now gone.  I am left only with damned crap, which I suppose comes as a surprised to no one at all.)  Besides, if the memory of that bit wasn’t enough to chafe my delicate psyche, getting through two elementary school Kiss-n-Rides is enough to get Francis of Assisi to think seriously about gun laws and waiting periods.  How hard is it to move forward 20 feet toward the entrance when there are no fewer than four people waving you forward?  The 2nd Grader gets it, but not the driver.  And yes, it was a guy.

Eventually I made it to the office, where I asked one of the clients if they wanted me and two of my co-workers to dial into our standing 10am meeting, or to drive over and attend in person.  “Please attend the 10am in person.”  So we trundle over to the client’s building at 3 minutes before 10, nod hello as we walk past the client’s open office door where they’re talking about the project, and wait in the conference area. 

For 22 minutes. 

“OK, let’s get started.”  We were done in 8 minutes. 

I’m just sayin’, is all.

On the way back we stopped at Dunkin Donuts, which is not, in fact, Starbucks.  If you haven’t had their coffee, imagine the most mundane-tasting coffee you’ve ever had from McDonalds, then make it hotter.  No no, hotter than that.  To say I’m not a fan is an understatement.  One of my co-workers picked up a dozen holes with jelly in them, which was decidedly a high point of the day – which was dashed when I tried one when we got back to the office and found that by “jelly in them” what they meant was “jelly near them” and not, you know, jelly filled.  Still, nice of her.

The day did not get better.  Unrequited emails went unanswered, phones didn’t ring, and another co-worker tried to warm up his lunch in the toaster.  Which was a problem, since he was having soup. 

I wish I were making this up. 

The high point of the day was eating dinner in front of the television watching clips of old “Whose Line is it Anyway” skits.  Oh, that Ryan Stiles!  He’s so tall and dreamy. 

The kids went to bed as cheerfully as they got up, which is saying something, and rather than do anything that could be accidently productive, so did I.  Monday.  You can have it. 

Now with that irritating Monday 3 hours behind me, I can put it in perspective.  I can recast yesterday in my mind, find the good parts and …  Nah.  It sucked.  Hopefully the week gets better, for me and for you, Gentle Reader.

Tags: Children // 2 Comments »

Things are never dull when you live with royalty.  As I was eating my oatmeal and eggs this morning with the Human Tape Recorder and SOBUMD, the Reigning Queen of Pink ran into the room.  (She and Number One Son had gotten their own breakfasts before the rest of us were out of bed, bless them.  The beatings are working.)  Please bear in mind that the RQoP at 8 years old could pass for a large 5-yr-old; she’s short, skinny, and 50 pounds soaking wet.

RQoP:  I feel like I’m going to give birth.
SOBUMD:  [poleaxed] 
BUMD:  [gobsmacked]
HTR:  [headdesk]
SOBUMD:  What?
HTR:  You’re not even showing!
BUMD:  Um, cite your source?
RQoP:   That means my tummy hurts!
SOBUMD:  Yeah, no it doesn’t.  Go potty.

She ran off, leaving us wondering just how many medical shows she’s been watching, and if perhaps that answer was “one too many.”  On the other hand, she was back 15 minutes later carrying a pink little Barbie swaddled in little pink blankets.   Who knows?  The HTR had the last word:  “Great, now we’re up to a hundred and one little plastic mouths to feed!”

Tags: Children // 3 Comments »