Can You Put a Price on Decent Copy? Yes, Yes You Can.

27 August, 2010 | | 4 Comments

Billy Joel was right.  We’re all strangers.  We all have shameful, dark secrets.  You know yours.  I know yours too, but I don’t kiss and tell – even if you do get all wet and hot and bothered when your sweetie buys a Kindle.  But just so we’re on even ground, I’m going to share one of my deepest ones with you.  Just because I’m in the mood to share. 

May Bob Dobbs sing an ‘Ave’ for my soul, but I love writing purple ad copy. 

And so, if copy is your thing, you find yourself selling your crap on eBay and Craigslist.  I don’t know if you’ve tried this, but on eBay, you need to be somewhat circumspect.  Reputable.  Legal, even.  And that’s fine.  It’s OK.  Nice.  Even lucrative, sometimes.  I once wrote such a glowing recommendation on eBay for a 0.25 cent US quarter, it sold for $25.  It was that good.  But it wasn’t purple.

Craigslist, though – they built Craigslist for me.  It’s one of life’s little pleasures.  You really don’t have to tell anyone anything on Craigslist.  You can staple a copy of your poetic license to their terms of use policy – “caveat emptor, biatch.”

The other day, I sold a file cabinet that SOBUMD wasn’t using any more.  I suppose it only needed to say “file cabinet for sale.” 

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Can you put a price on being organized?  Yes, yes you can.  It’s $30.

This solid, 2-drawer file cabinet will make you a better person.  You *can* take charge of your life again!  You can use it to store and organize your tax data, your soon-to-be-published manuscripts, those shitty poems you wrote in high school.  You can store all of these and more – and even better, you can FIND them again later, when you need to!  This file cabinet will make you happier, better looking, and more self-confidant than you’ve felt in years.

All for only $30.  Plus, you can sit on it in a pinch.  Yes, even you.  It’s that sturdy.  It will brighten up any home office with its understated industrial gray/beige exterior and stainless handles and trim.  It will make both you and your home a happier, brighter place as you unclutter and unwind.  To get you started, we’ll throw in 3 standard hanging folders – so there’s no waiting!  You pick up this file cabinet, give me $30 that you were only going to blow on booze anyway, take it home and start filing!  Start getting your life back.

Start today.

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What can I tell you, it sold in hours.  I love this country!

4 Comments
  1. NoTalentHack says:

    Hey, are you the guy that sold me that Steelcase-reject hunk of metal ? Not only is my life still disorganized, I seem to have lost the file cabinet under all those half-completed scripts I was going to send to the producers of Family Ties and Growing Pains.
    Plus, it turns out you cannot sit on it in a pinch. See http://fc07.deviantart.com/fs28/i/2008/093/d/9/Cabinet_CRUSH_by_SapphireDreamer.jpg if you don’t believe me. You can have YOUR life back, just give me my $30.

    Furthermore, there’s no “a” in “self-confidEnt”, David Ogilvy.

  2. admin says:

    What?!? What part of “caveat emptor” was unclear?

    Also, it was my understanding that there would be no spelling. Besides, I’m the Big Ugly Man Doll – and you’re not. Now, good luck with those scripts. I hear the Wossamotta University Press is reading unsolicited manuscripts these days.

  3. NoTalentHack says:

    And while we’re at it, I want my $25 back for that double struck quarter. It won’t fit in the vending machine anyway.

    And quit making fun of my alma mater. If it was good enough for Bullwinkle, it should be good enough for you. ‘Rah for the Ochre and Alice Blue

  4. ManFAQ Friday: Who's Wearing the Pants? | Big Ugly Man Doll says:

    […] sorry – did I mention I have a problem with ad copy?  Look, we both know most guys have no sense of fashion whatsoever.   If I’m wearing […]

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