ManFAQ Friday: What a Mess!

It’s Friday, and that means answer time! For those of you who have commented with questions from previous ManFAQs, thank you. I’m adding yours to the list of questions women have asked about men over the years, and I will answer them all in turn – to continue to demystify the more malodorous gender for those of the gentler. Actual questions, posed by real women, and answered by a REAL man. What could go wrong?

Question:  I want to know if the ability to relax amid clutter and dust is acquired or inborn. If acquired, how can women cultivate it…i.e. is there a 10-step program?  Seriously, I would absolutely love to perfect my skill in this area.  I think out of level 1 to 10 I’m at about a 6, and it isn’t enough. I want to achieve real man status on this one.

Answer:   First, you need to drink more.  No no, more than that.  Make yourself a good Cosmo and splash some around – you’ll need a “starter mess” to get used to.  Then find yourself some good chocolate; you know you deserve it.  OK, deep breath, now exhale.  Put the wrapper on the floor.  Just drop it.  Deep cleansing breath, the first step can be the hardest.  Just let the wrapper fall.  Let it go.

Someone else will pick it up eventually; that someone else might even be you, several hours from now, but that person’s not here yet.  Did you just finish that Cosmo?  Have another drink.  Good.  Now, find a nice comfy chair where you can still see that candy bar wrapper on the floor.  Sit down, eat the chocolate.  Mmmmmmmmmm, it’s good, isn’t it?  You’re going to relax for a moment, just eating the chocolate, taunting that mess over there with it.  You’re getting the hang of this!  Now remember, if anyone walks in, you were just in the middle of cleaning up.  Literally in the middle of cleaning.  You were just taking a break for a minute.  You were going to get to back to it real soon. 

Mmmmm, chocolate. 

Now you know. Please, feel free to comment with any questions you’d like answered!

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