ManFAQ Friday: Wedding Plan Blues

Here we are, another Friday, and it’s answer time at the ManFAQ.  Once again I don my manly mantle as Sage of the Sexes, helping demystify the more malodorous gender for those of the gentler, as we add to the list of questions women have asked about men over the years.  Actual questions, posed by real women, and answered by a REAL man.

What could go wrong?

Question:  Why don’t more men seem to want to be active partners in planning the wedding

Answer:   While I am the last person to use gross gender stereotypes, or if not absolutely the last, I did it as recently as this morning when an Asian lady cut me off in traffic, I think we can safely assume that most little boys don’t grow up thinking about wedding dresses and veils and trains.  There are exceptions, certainly, but it’s equally certainly that the little boys who did grow up thinking about wedding gowns and such aren’t marrying you, they’re marrying guys with similar interests.  (In fact, one of the funniest arguments in defense of gay marriage I’ve ever heard boiled down to “Why shouldn’t gay men have to suffer through the damned weddings like the rest of us?”)  Besides, we’ve already established that most of us can’t plan worth a damn.  He can’t get a simple birthday bash together – why would you think he’d be any better with a wedding?

Most guys, if you’ve landed a decent one, will be happy to do what you tell him to get ready for the wedding.  Our society has trained him to believe that this is your special day – not his.  (He’s hoping to get through it, so you two can get to your special night, which he’s been looking forward to for a long time.)  But the color of the the bunting around the windows?  To invite your Great Aunt Tessie or not?  Floral or solids for the bridesmaid dresses?  He doesn’t really care, as long as you’re happy.  Since he’s pretty much genetically incapable of caring about many of those details, he’s going to shut up and wait for you to tell him what you want him to do.  Oh, sure, if you press him he’ll differentiate between the cream, the ecru, and the off-off-white dress fabrics, but if you think his heart’s not it in, you’re right.  From the moment he proposed to you – or you proposed to him – to the moment you wake up next to each other as a married couple and think “oh holy shit what did I just do,” fully half his waking hours are spent thinking about Mythical Epic Wedding Night Hey Hey.

He wonders if it’s different when you’re married.  He wonders if married guys really do have sex more often than single guys.  He wonders if it will still be epic if his tequilibido kicks in during the reception.  But mostly, he wonders what Mythical Epic Wedding Night Hey Hey will be like.

This is how many women wind up with really large engagement rings.  “I like that one!”  “Huh? What, uh, OK.”  He’s not paying attention.  Don’t worry, you’ll have his attention back on your wedding night.  His full attention!


Now you know.  Please, feel free to comment!  Also, forward any questions you’d like answered to BUMD – at –!  As always, your anonymity is guaranteed!



One Response to “ManFAQ Friday: Wedding Plan Blues”

  1. “…will be happy to do what you tell him to get ready for the wedding”… or not.

    Hubby had exactly one responsibility for our wedding: choose the song for our first dance. I reminded him several times at regular intervals, beginning weeks in advance. I might have even reminded him the morning of; I can’t remember.

    You see where this is going. Sure enough, the ceremony’s over, our bellies are full of prime rib, and it’s time for the first dance. And he gives me this deer-in-the-headlights look and says, “I forgot”.

    So when I talk about “our song”, “our” actually refers to the DJ and me. I shot over to his booth, said, “Pick something!”, and he did. Special memories.

    We (Hubby and I, not the DJ) have been happily married for nearly 14 years. Some of that contentment may be due to realistic expectations on my part…

Discussion Area - Leave a Comment