Big Ugly Man Doll

Here we are, another Friday, and it’s answer time at the ManFAQ.  Once again I don my manly mantle as Sage of the Sexes, helping demystify the more malodorous gender for those of the gentler, as we add to the list of questions women have asked about men over the years.  Actual questions, posed by real women, and answered by a REAL man.

What could go wrong?

Question:  Why does he always seem to think he wants a little Hey Hey after he’s been drinking?  He can’t actually do anything in that condition – why does he want to try? 

Answer:  Here I have to coin a new term for you.  Welcome to what we shall call a man’s tequilibido.

His tequilibido is usually a function of how much he’s had to drink, how long it’s been since he last had sex (if he’s over 25), and what he usually thinks his chances are with you.  (If he’s under 25, the question of how long it’s been since he last had sex is irrelevant if we’re working in time increments larger than “the last 15 minutes.”)  Like they say south of the border, “Tómame como al Tequila – de un golpe y sin pensarlo.”  And, really, that’s about his level of thought after what he’s had to drink – “Hey, I got all the way here, we should totally celebrate that!  With some good, life-affirming, baby-making sex!  Yeah!”  After all, he didn’t even get arrested on the way home, even though he probably should have been.  He’s thinking it’s his lucky night!

And he sounds sincere, doesn’t he?  He really wants to, and he’s probably got your clothes off.  Now he’s standing there, looking at you, and looking down, and wondering what the hell’s happened.  He’s perplexed.  Please, be gentle.  If he’s over 25, this is about to be a rude awakening for him – because that’s really not going to work.  Trust that it’s not you – you could be as hot as that girl you wished you looked like on the cover of last week’s magazine and those hydraulics still wouldn’t be working.  Maybe you are as hot as that girl on the cover of last week’s magazine.  It doesn’t matter.  The Tequila is telling his brain “yes, now, here, her” and it’s telling his little buddy, “dude, once he’s asleep, let’s shave him! HAhahahaha!”

He thinks it’s a great idea.  He firmly believes it.  And he’s going to do it again the next time, because he won’t remember tonight either.

Now you know.  Please, feel free to comment!  Also, forward any questions you’d like answered to BUMD – at – biguglymandoll.com!  As always, your anonymity is guaranteed!

Tags: Children // Add Comment »