Big Ugly Man Doll

Happy Friday!  Here is, once again, another chance to catch up with your own personal astrological future. Your upcoming week will be poor, nasty, brutish, and short – but don’t let it get you down! Read on!

Aries (The Ram):   This week you will let loose your inner dragon.  Shame you cancelled collision coverage on that car…  Your high-risk disease this week:  Candidatus Neoehrlichia Mikurensis.

Taurus (The Bull):    This coming Tuesday, you will encounter an old gypsy, who will tell you your fortune.  She will be correct in every detail.  I’m so very sorry.

Gemini (The Twins):   Your week will be consumed with cooking many things and eating almost none of them – shame about all the medication you’re on suppressing your appetite.  You’ll get yours, though – just wait.  Your high-risk disease this week:  Cadang-cadang.

Cancer (The Crab):   You will journey this week, to the center of all things.  Mostly you will find the center of all things includes a 7-11 with Slurpee’s you can’t afford, an 84 Mustang convertible, and more sand than you can possibly count.

Leo (The Lion):  On Monday your mind will be excited, your spirit will be elated, your ego will be inflated, and your access will be deleted.  It’s going to be one of those weeks.  Buy yourself a Guy Fawkes mask, you’re going to need it.  Your high-risk disease this week:  Mycoplasma Infection.

Virgo (The Virgin):    Your heart rate will climb!  This week will see much gushing and great excitement in your house!  Too bad it’s about the plumbing. 

Libra (The Scale):   On Sunday, they will say you are going, and that they’ll miss your bright eyes and sweet smile.  On Monday, bail outta there and take the sunshine with you.  Your high-risk disease this week:  Ross River Virus.

Scorpio (The Scorpion):    You have been tested, tried, troubled, and travailed.  This week, an all too brief respite.  Gather your strength.

Sagittarius (The Archer):  You are back, baby, and with a vengeance.  You’re going to impress them all, even if you know you’re faking it.  By Wednesday, you’ll even believe your own hype.  It’ll be totally awesome, just like the song says.  Your high-risk disease this week:  Golden Cyst Nematodes.

Capricorn (The Sea-Goat):    They’re going to find you one of these days.  You can’t hide forever. 

Aquarius (The Water Bearer):   You will consider a new career this week.  Getting into the iron and steel business might seem like a good idea, but you’ll never get away with it.  Your high-risk disease this week:  Q Fever.

Pisces (The Fish):    It’s a good week to relax.  Nothing bad will happen this week.  Mostly.  Except the bit about the blood, but don’t worry about that.  It’s probably not human blood.  Well, most of it.  Anyway, it’ll be fine.  No need to call the police.

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