Big Ugly Man Doll

One of the many dangers of helping your kids with their homework is that you won’t be able to – sometimes for vastly different reasons. Number One Daughter got halfway through her homework this evening before shouting for help. The assignment was to take any eight of her 18 weekly study words and write at least 8 jokes, with a study word as the answer. 

You can imagine the issue. Can I write jokes? Don’t call me surely. Can I write the kind of jokes a ten-yr-old would come up with, that she can pass off as hers? You must be Lupin, ’cause you’re surely not Serious. I’m just not 10 anymore – no comments, you.

The words to choose from are: applaud, appoint, balloon, cocoon, counsel, coward, daughter, devour, doubtful, exploit, faucet, fountain, laundry, noodle, poison, rejoice, rowdy, shampoo. 

I thought I’d take a moment to share why I can’t do my daughter’s homework for her. The best I could do for her were the following:

• What do you get when you cross a cow with a yard? A coward! 
• Why was Sham in the bathroom? Because he had to shampoo. (They were begging for that.)
• Why did Barack Obama appoint Hillary Clinton to be Secretary of State? He thought she had appoint!
• If a cannibal divorces his wife, does he devour?

 The first two, OK, I’m channeling my inner child. The third, my kid, maybe. The last one, let’s face it, her teacher’s gonna know it’s not a 4th Grader writing anymore. And then there’s a whole list of “no, don’t write that down.”

• What do you do when your teacher makes you read “Ulysses” twice? Rejoice! 
• What do you do when Oon, the new girl in class, asks to meet you behind the bleachers? Balloon! 
• What do airlines do with dyslexic pilots? Exploit them!
• What did the Boston plumber advise when told the handle on the sink wouldn’t turn? Faucet!

 Please comment with your own examples. You will be graded on punctuation, spelling, and usage. (There will be no math.)

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