Advent of Holiday Horror: Song 2

24 December, 2011 | | No Comment

Yes, it’s the penultimate horror.  We’re nearly at the end, and that’s a good thing for SO. MANY. REASONS. 

  • Tomorrow’s Christmas.  That’s not a bad thing.
  • The day after that, you are legally allowed to whack people playing Holiday tunes (as long as you use sticks under half an inch thick) in 37 out of 50 states and at least 2 Canadian provinces.  Chances are you’re in one of them, have at ’em.
  • The food gets better the closer you get to Christmas.  Yesterday I had breakfast for breakfast, no lunch, and breakfast for dinner.  Today’s breakfast was homemade bagels with homemade GravLax cured salmon; Vietnamese Bahn Mi sandwiches with pate, shrimp, and god-only-knows-what kind of meat for lunch; and escargot, gougere cheese puffs, shrimp, and a selection of tapas-style pates and meats for dinner.  Tomorrow holds the promise of cow.  I’m not pouting.
  • You won’t have to read any more of this list.  Could you BE more thankful?  I didn’t think so.
  • Truly, it’s the most wonderful time of the year.

And it is.  It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year.

If you’re a sadist!  Because I love shoulder-surfing the crowds, fighting the traffic, and listening to people telling me to “be cheerful!”  You know what?  I’ll be cheerful when the holidays are over.  GFY, and get outta the way. 

its the most wonderful time of the year
with the kids jingle belling
and everyone telling you be of good cheer

Jingle-belling?  We talked about the whole “verbing weirds language” bit, right?  And then later, we’re going to do some “misoltoeing” – which SOBUMD would tell me is another dumb, oblique way to ask for sex.  “Ho, ho, ho, Hey Hey, how about a little misoltoeing, baby?”  (Whack!)

there’ll be scary ghost stories
and tales of the glories
of Christmases long long ago

Um, scary ghost stories?  You know, the one about the cat-burglar who breaks into your house while you’re sleeping is actually scary enough; what’s with the random Halloween/summer camp reference?  I think maybe our boy Andy had had a few too much nog and got his holidays mixed up.  Next thing you know, it’ll be a Ron Paul Christmas, and we’re really going to be frightened.

So hurry up, click it, listen.  Get it over with.  You know what’s coming.  And it’s not just Santa.


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