Big Ugly Man Doll

It’s Friday, and that means answer time! For those of you who have commented with questions from previous ManFAQs, thank you. I’m adding yours to the list of questions women have asked about men over the years, and I will answer them all in turn – to continue to demystify the more malodorous gender for those of the gentler.  Actual questions, posed by real women, and answered by a REAL man. What could go wrong?

Question:   Why do boys try to be funny when they’re not?

Answer:    What do you mean, they’re not funny?  Of course they’re funny!  They’re standing there telling you jokes and clowning around and jumping like – yeah, he’s pretty pathetic, isn’t he?  The short answer is that he’s desperate.  There are a couple of reasons here.

KNOCK KNOCK!  If he’s telling you reasonably clean jokes, doing pratfalls, and using obvious physical humor, he’s desperate for attention – even if only for someone to tell him to knock it the hell off.  If you keep not laughing, he’ll eventually knock himself senseless, get tired of it, or kill him self trying.  (“Hey ya’ll, watch this!”)

THERE’S THIS CAT…  If he’s telling you jokes about physics (“Sorry, we don’t serve faster than light particles here.”), he’s desperate to relate to you.  He wants to see if you’re on the same planet he is.  If you keep not laughing, he’ll move on eventually.  (“A neutrino walks into a bar!”)

MORE BEAVER!  If he’s told you three ball jokes, two dick jokes, the one about the maggots making love in dead earnest, and he’s trying hard to make a pun about beavers, he’s desperate for some Hey Hey.  If you keep not laughing, he’ll move on eventually.  (“Do you think I asked for a twelve-inch pianist?”)

I READ THAT ONE – If he’s making literary jokes, anything with the words Hemmingway, Faulkner, or Baudelaire in the punchline,  he’s really desperate for some Hey Hey.  Don’t listen to a thing he says.  Really.  I don’t care what French restaurant he invites you to, don’t go.  Baudelaire is never funny.  (“Fleurs du Mal? That’s what SHE said!”)

Now you know. Please, feel free to comment! Also, forward any questions you’d like answered to BUMD – at – biguglymandoll.com!