Big Ugly Man Doll

It’s Friday, and that means answer time! For those of you who have commented with questions from previous ManFAQs, thank you. I’m adding yours to the list of questions women have asked about men over the years, and I will answer them all in turn – to continue to demystify the more malodorous gender for those of the gentler.  Actual questions, posed by real women, and answered by a REAL man. What could go wrong?

Question:   Why are boys my age so immature?

Answer:    They’re not, really.  You’re just noticing the difference between the ones “your age” and the ones a few years older, who are less likely to be talking and more likely – you don’t believe a word of this, do you?  OK, no, you’re right.

Now, the funny thing is that while this question was posed by a younger woman, by which I mean a 3rd-Grader, it never stops being a valid question, asked by women of every age throughout history.  My mother, who is in her very late 30s, has asked it of my father.  Many friends, girl-type, have asked me this about their guys at one point or another, at various ages, and in fact an older woman (in her early 100s) was recently bemoaning the fact that all the men her age were either still too immature or “napping, if you know what I mean.”  

Which actually answers the question.  Our fear is that if we were to actually mature and “act our age” all the time, you’d throw dirt over us.  The boys your age will always be immature morons, because that’s pretty much our natural state – age notwithstanding.  We’re aging with you, but we’re not maturing with you.  We’re not planning on maturing at all.  Consider Shrek’s choice in his second film: 

Shrek? You drink that, there’s no going back.
I know.

No more wallowing in the mud?
I know.

No more itchy butt crack?
I know!

But you love being an ogre!
I know!  But I love Fiona more.

Now remember, that was a movie.  Most of us wouldn’t drink that shit to change us into someone your parents will approve of – at least, not without a whole lot of Hey Hey involved.  Itchy Butt Crack is more than just a great name for a band – it’s a lifestyle choice.  We fart, we belch, then we giggle because it smells really bad in here – and we’re not planning on growing out of it. 

Now you know. Please, feel free to comment! Also, forward any questions you’d like answered to BUMD – at – biguglymandoll.com!