ManFAQ Friday: Urinalyses is as Good as Mine

26 August, 2011 | | 3 Comments

It’s Friday, and that means answer time! For those of you who have commented with questions from previous ManFAQs, thank you. I’m adding yours to the list of questions women have asked about men over the years, and I will answer them all in turn – to continue to demystify the more malodorous gender for those of the gentler.  Actual questions, posed by real women, and answered by a REAL man. What could go wrong?

Question:  Why do men think it’s ok to pee in public?  I live behind a tee box on a golf course.  It can be unpleasant.  Or be seen without shirts in public?  The whole unpleasant aspect again…

Answer:   Most men don’t think it’s ok to pee in public.  A guy who’s had a few drinks, on the other hand, will suddenly remember that he doesn’t have to make a scene to relieve himself; he can just find a tree, a bush, a lightpost, a nine-iron, and whip it out.  (I’m guessing you don’t live on the first hole.)  Remember, with a little practice, we don’t even have to stop walking. 

In this case there are two kinds of pissers:  Those who think you can’t or won’t see them, and those who secretly hope you will.  Both of them have had enough to drink that peeing outside in public doesn’t sound like a bad idea anymore.  The ones who think you can’t see them are usually much more inebriated, as though the telephone pole they’re standing behind can hide the fact that they’re 275 pounds and fumbling for their belt.  The guys who secretly hope to be “caught” have the following fantasy:  “OMG, is that your penis?”  “Why, yes, yes it is!”  Despite the fact that in the history of the world, this has never, ever, lead to Hey Hey, he’s still hoping that he’ll be the first, that this time he’ll get actually lucky, as opposed to just lucky not to be arrested. 

Yes, some guys really think like that.  We’re pigs.  As for the shirtless part, that’s partly the same reason (“because we can”) and partly because he’s hoping to impress you with his manly chest and massive pectoral muscles.  The fact that his massive pecs turned into sagging manboobs 35 years ago has not yet changed his self-image:  the balding guy with the beer gut still sees the high school football champ when he looks in the mirror.  Why would you not want to see him without his shirt? 

He thinks of this show as being not so much “unpleasant” as just “a little late.”

Now you know. Please, feel free to comment! Also, forward any questions you’d like answered to BUMD – at –!

  1. Joe Phillips says:

    “Why, yes, yes it is!”

  2. Diane Henders says:

    Once again, you’ve made me snort my tea! I grew up in the middle of nowhere on the prairies, so public pissers don’t bother me.

    When you live in a place where the nearest tree is ten miles away, you learn not to approach a guy who’s standing beside his truck gazing at the horizon.

    Unless you want to hear, “Why, yes, yes it is!” ROFL!

  3. admin says:

    Thanks Diane! And no, no you don’t. Want to hear that, that is… Right, Joe?

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