ManFAQ Friday: Locked and Loaded

19 August, 2011 | | 1 Comment

It’s Friday, and that means answer time! For those of you who have commented with questions from previous ManFAQs, thank you. I’m adding yours to the list of questions women have asked about men over the years, and I will answer them all in turn – to continue to demystify the more malodorous gender for those of the gentler.  Actual questions, posed by real women, and answered by a REAL man. What could go wrong?

Question:  Why do men like guns?  ESPECIALLY naked women with guns?

Answer:   You know, everyone said people wouldn’t go for peanut butter combined with chocolate too, but they were wrong.  So let’s examine this.

Guns.  Long hard barrel, stuff comes out the end when you manipulate it, symbol of power, makes the weak feel strong and the strong feel invincible.  The holder feels a sense of satisfaction and pleasure when it shoots.  Do you need a better metaphor for a penis?  No?  I didn’t think so either.

OK, what about Naked Women?  Let’s go back to the bit about stuff comes out the end when you manipulate it, and leave it at that.  Guys love to see naked women, pretty much regardless of what they’re holding.  Most men will tell you that naked women look just fine holding anything from an IRS tax invoice to a box of lightbulbs – they’re not really going to notice what she’s holding most of the time.

So, you take a woman with no clothes on and hand her a very powerful penis metaphor, and you’re probably going have his attention locked, cocked, and ready to go.  He wants to see something shoot.  If you asked him what kind of gun she was holding, he couldn’t do much better than “a big one.” 

Now, I’m all for nudity on all sides and while I’m not a gun fanatic, I do like to shoot them once in a while.  However, I confess I was thinking that if a woman is butt nekkid and holding a piece, the only things being shot are the photos.  I mean, ouch! 

But, in the interest of the complete objectivity for which I am known, I decided that I should do a little research into your question.  I’m happy to report that Googling “tits and guns” only took me six and half hours over two weeks – I wanted to make sure my research was thorough, you see.  In the interest of prudent prurience, I will leave you with this 26-second video clip, which is very nearly almost safe for work, depending on where you work and as long as you keep the volume off.  Notice, please the gradual buildup, the mounting tension, the unstoppable momentum, and the money shot at the end. 

Look familiar?

Now you know. Please, feel free to comment! Also, forward any questions you’d like answered to BUMD – at –!

1 comment
  1. Diane Henders says:

    …And the world is a better place because of your dedicated research. It was an act of true self-sacrifice. You should probably get a medal. :-)

    I like guns, too. Now I understand why. Long, hard barrel… Mmmm… gotta go now.

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