Where the Hell has the Big Ugly Man Doll Been?

9 October, 2007 | | No Comment

A few weeks ago I explained away an extended absence by writing about my brief fling with Time – she ran away with me, etc. Rather than beat that dead horse, let’s just get right to what’s been going on.

First, I’ve been immersed in a new gig, brushing up on service oriented architectures and web services that are bound by loose coupling to provide a federated identity management solution with attribute based access controls. If you think it’s boring reading it, try writing about it. Except for the “loose coupling” parts – that’s fun, ‘cause it just sounds so nasty. Mmm, coupling. I like coupling. Then there’s the “loose” part, like Tammy Hancock in 11th grade. Or at least, that what I heard. So anyway, loose coupling. Who says technology can’t be fun?

So, OK, new gig. I’ve also got new meds. I was quite disturbed to read all the things these meds are used for, though – “This medicine may be used to help you stop drinking alcohol.” “This medicine may be used to help you stop smoking.” “This medicine may be used to treat obsessive-compulsive disorder.” “This medicine may be used to treat obsessive-compulsive disorder.” “This medicine may be used to treat obsessive-compulsive disorder.” I mean, wait a minute – I like drinking alcohol! And I only use my obsessive compulsions for good, never for evil! I’m not sure this is the right medication for me. Then there are the side effects – which may include rash and itching, nothing to worry about. Also, you may have an allergic reaction to this medication, the signs of which include rash and itching – call your doctor immediately! I got hives just reading the fact sheet, and they want me to take this every day?

I do take it every day, though. Why, you ask? Because I’m dedicated to improving my health? No. Because I know I should? No. Because my doctor is really cute, and she told me to? Bingo.

I was also warned that “this medicine may have certain sexual side effects.” You know, people are funny about that sort of thing – hey, this may have certain sexual side effects, but they don’t mention just what kind of sexual side effects they’re talking about. I was a little worried that my lil buddy was going to dry up and fall off. So, I was completely unprepared for “certain sexual side effects,” when I suddenly found myself Completely Irresistible To Women! Trust me, there are CERTAIN SEXUAL SIDE EFFECTS. My lovely bride of the last 15 years has forbidden me to discuss the details. Mind you, she’s also put a new lock on the bedroom door.

So, OK, new gig, new meds. I’ve also been caught up in a new book – new to me. If you haven’t read George R. R. Martin’s Fire and Ice series, and you enjoy epic swords and dragons type fantasy, you should read these. Martin doesn’t really have a flair for the language – it took 700 pages to get to the good bits – but once you’re in and you get to know the characters, you’re hooked. They’re huge books, and he writes each chapter by focusing on what’s happening with a particular character. As I said, not a real flair for the language, but he writes like a photographer – the amount of detail devoted to each scene is nothing short of amazing. It’s a very visual series. And as I said, I’m hooked.

In other news, we’ve been sending the Human Sound Machine to CCD class, also known as Catholic Indoctrination, so that he, too, can grow up to wonder what we were thinking. It’s like a rite of passage. Anyway, I came home a week or so ago and I asked him how his day was, and how was CCD. “Daddy, all we talk about in Ms. Soandso’s class is God, God, God, God, God.” Great, 7 years old and already he’s weary of mono-thematic dogma. Maybe they need to diversify the curriculum for the ADHD-types. I can see it now: “God, God, God, hey-let’s-go-ride-our-bikes, God, God.” OK, maybe not.

Anyway, gentle reader, thank you for your patience. I’ll try to come up for air more often as things settle into a new routine, with more or less loose coupling.

Now, where’d she put that key?

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