Big Ugly Man Doll

It’s Friday, and that means answer time! For those of you who have commented with questions from previous ManFAQs, thank you. I’m adding yours to the list of questions women have asked about men over the years, and I will answer them all in turn – to continue to demystify the more malodorous gender for those of the gentler.  Actual questions, posed by real women, and answered by a REAL man. What could go wrong?

Question:   Why do some guys appear to be more enlightened than others and how can I find one? (Doesn’t pertain to me but many women want to know.) 

Answer:   First we need to define terms.  By “more enlightened than others” I have to assume that you mean “more like the Big Ugly Man Doll,” since I’m widely known as a paragon of virtue, humility, and good taste.   Just so we’re clear on what you’re looking for – c’est moi!  

So, why do some guys appear to be more enlightened?  What makes me seem like such a rare blossom in this filthy jungle?  Well, you’ve answered your question by asking it – it’s an appearance, and those can be deceiving.   What makes this appearance work?  You do! 

You see us in costume, all dressed for the day, and think, gosh, he hardly looks like an animal at all.  Often your expectations for us are so low that once we’ve held the door open or cleaned up the wet spot once or twice, you think we’re sensitive, caring individuals.  We’re not.  Yes, he got the door.  Yes, he can clean up a little.   Here’s what the difference is:

The “enlightened” ones, such as myself, have a sense of the future.  We exist in more than just Right Now, the top of this infinitely cresting wave of Time as it fires the sands of the future into the glass of the past.  We can think about more than just Hey Hey yesterday or Hey Hey right now. 

We can imagine Hey Hey…  Later.

And that’s the difference.  Really.  He’s still an animal.  He’s just figured out that by “appearing” enlightened, he’s improving his chances with you.  As for the second part of your question, how you can go about finding one?  Where in the world is there in the world a man so extraordinaire? 

The simplest way by far is to get all your possible candidates to read this ManFAQ, and the rest of the BUMD.  If they’re not laughing, throw them back and re-bait your hook!

Now you know.  Please, feel free to comment!  Also, forward any questions you’d like answered to BUMD – at – biguglymandoll.com!

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