ManFAQ Friday: Heavy-Lidded Longings
It’s Friday, and that means answer time! For those of you who have commented with questions from previous ManFAQs, thank you. I’m adding yours to the list of questions women have asked about men over the years, and I will answer them all in turn – to continue to demystify the more malodorous gender for those of the gentler. Actual questions, posed by real women, and answered by a REAL man. What could go wrong?
Question: Lids up, or lids down? Is there etiquette here?
Answer: This is an age-old question, and few topics more adroitly highlight the differences between the genders. How many times did Uga turn to Ug in the back of their cave, in the dawn of time, and say “Dammit, you left the rock off again!” You know she did.
Is there an etiquette to be found here? I think so. Speaking for my gender, I will say that we should leave the lids down. All the time. As a matter of course. This adds two things to life. First, it adds a sense of equity, since you have to lift the lid and we have to lift the lid. Everybody lifts the lid. It’s what we do, and if we all do it, it’s fair. As long as it’s not a fuzzy lid, we’re all good with that. Second, it adds the element of surprise. If the lid’s up when you walk in, you never have to guess the state of the union down there, do you? This way, unless the nose knows, you get that excited anticipatory feeling that anything could be lurking down there, and you’re about to lift that lid – with no backup, just you and the can – and find out! Isn’t it exciting?
Oh yeah, and keeping the lid down helps keep the dog from drinking your punch bowl surprise. You know, the dog that slobbers bit wet kisses all over you when you come home? Why do you think that nose is so cold? Yeah. Lids down, folks.
Now you know. Please, feel free to comment! Also, forward any questions you’d like answered to BUMD – at – biguglymandoll.com!
To borrow from Henny Youngman, “Take my dog, please”.