Big Ugly Man Doll

It’s Friday, and that means answer time! For those of you who have commented with questions from previous ManFAQs, thank you. I’m adding yours to the list of questions women have asked about men over the years, and I will answer them all in turn – to continue to demystify the more malodorous gender for those of the gentler.  Actual questions, posed by real women, and answered by a REAL man. What could go wrong?

Question:   What is it with you and the lawn?  Why is it OK if the basement looks like a free-fire zone, but you have to cut the grass and hedges six times a month?

Answer:   This gets back to our roots.  Our home is our castle, our cave, a safe haven.  To protect that, deep in the recesses of our fuzzy little brains, we feel the need to project an image of strength, of determination through organization and show.  The nicer we keep our lawns, we think, the more some enemy will think, “Ah, better not invade that castle – he probably knows where his weapons are at all times, and keeps them near to hand!”

The fact that no one thinks like that anymore has not, in fact, caught up to our collective subcortex. 

The other reason he keeps the outside neat is simple force of habit, from back when he was trying to wow potential mates with his landscaping prowess.  If he had to bring a date home, she might not want to come inside if the outside was a disorderly mess.  Once she’s inside, he can just keep the lights low so she won’t notice the dirt.   The lawn became a moat, and keeping it trimmed and neat helped to lower the drawbridge to Hey Hey. 

Besides, cutting the grass makes us feel like we have some control over our lives.  We don’t, but we like to think that.  And hey, I’m sure he was going to clean the basement Real Soon Now. 

Now you know.  Please, feel free to comment!  Also, forward any questions you’d like answered to BUMD – at – biguglymandoll.com!

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