Just Called to Say Hello

I have a friend who can be a little breathless, and breathtaking, on the phone.  There are the small, social niceties that sometimes can make all the difference.  “Hello,” for example, and “Do you have a minute,” or “You’re never going to believe this,” are phrases that the savvy conversationalist can use to pave the way for a story. 

She doesn’t have any of those.

My friend has recently been on a kind of medication that tends to stop you up, if you know what I mean, and for the past six days had not passed her bowels.  (Yes, it’s another True Tale of Doody.)  Yesterday, the magic moment finally arrived, and to her great relief she passed 6 days’ worth of stoppage.  Wanting to share the glory with her best friend, she called her husband – to whom else would you relate such an achievement? 

He answered the phone and never got to say hello, since as usual she launched into her True Tale of Doody with nary a pause, reciting a blow-by-blow account of the best 15 minutes she’d spent since calling Geico last year.  In great detail.  With sound effects.  When, after a full two minutes of this recitation, she finally wound down, her husband asked her the one question she had not been expecting.

“I’m sorry, who is this?”

Wrong number.  Sometimes, it pays to say Hi.

8 Responses to “Just Called to Say Hello”

  1. PMP (in this case I think the ‘P’ stands for pooing rather than peeing).

    I am so relieved – when I was reading it I was mortified to think that you were sharing too much about Jules!

  2. Not a chance – our sofas aren’t that comfortable and it’s too cold to sleep in the shed. ;-)

  3. Oh NO! NO, no, no, NO she didn’t! That is just wrong.

  4. The key to keeping the ‘sexy’ in your marriage is to poo with the door shut (your spouse on the other side) and to never, NEVER, unload on them like this caller did.

    That’s some free advice for her….if she calls back.

  5. there can be too much openness and communication in a relationship-even a proctologist would say it’s tmi

  6. OMG, I don’t know how I missed this post but that is freakin hilarious!!!!! Why don’t I get calls like that????

  7. I wonder how many of your readers read the first paragraph and for an instant thought you were about to write about them ? Count me as number one (which, in the context of the rest of the post, is infinitely better than being counted as number two).

    Note to Lindsay O’Brien: I believe if you stay up late enough watching cable TV, you will come across a commercial for a 900 number that offers such a service…

  8. LOL, Lindsay, meet John. You two have CSC in common, in that you both used to work here, and that I wish you still did.

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