Omnomnomnomniscience, noun. The quality of always knowing what you feel like eating. Omnomnomnomnipotence, noun. The quality of being able to eat as much of it as you want. Fartriloquism. The art of blaming it on someone else.
So every once in a while I get up off the couch of parenthood, leave the house, and take a walk around the block. I figure if both my lawyer and my cardiologist are giving me the same advice, I should probably pay attention. Have you ever noticed the unholy amount of noise birds make […]
So there we were, expounding on SOBUMD’s 40th birthday, and Number One Son walks up to a family friend and mentions that old age is catching up with his parents. “Why’s that?” asks our friend, taking an unwise sip of his drink. “Because they can’t seem to remember if they’ve showered or not. We all […]
That the Reigning Queen of Pink, Grand Duchess of Fluff, and High Protector of Barbies would have genetic issues should come as no surprise; she intends to stand toe-to-toe and pink hairband to pink headband with any inbred European princess the old families care to name. Those who rule by divine right take no prisoners. […]
As I was driving the younger two to school, Number One Son was shouting out the car window at passers-by. Trying to use the Socratic method, I asked him why he thought it was OK to do that. “Daddy,” says he, “no one notices a car with a Big Ugly Man Doll!” I cracked up. […]