Big Ugly Man Doll

George Carlin, who told us just exactly which seven words you couldn’t say on television and introduced the world to the eminently useful term “Mongolian Clusterfuck”, is up in heaven now, with Asimov and Vonnegut.  I’ll bet he’s pissed about it.

My all time favorite Carlin moment is watching him walk out onto center stage at Carnegie Hall.  He’s just been announced (“Ladies and Gentlemen, George Carlin!”) to a *packed* hall, the crowd goes nuts, and he walks out like no one’s there.  He walks straight up to the mic, waits about 3 seconds for quiet.  This is when every other comedian in the world will say hello or even yell it, Hello New York, anything.  Even Steve Martin had *some* intro.

But this was Carlin.

By way of introduction, he walks up to the mic and says, “Did you ever notice that all the women who are against abortion are women you wouldn’t want to fuck anyway?”

George, RIP.

Tags: Children // Add Comment »

Number One Son, who is in fact Only Son, is, today, on this First Day of Summer, just as this June date was the first day of Summer 8 years ago, is eight years old today!  Happy Birthday to my, and the, Number One Son!

Tags: Children // Add Comment »

The following exchange may well represent my thoughts on life, the universe, and everything:

The Reigning Queen of Pink was yelling to make herself heard, interrupting her mother (SOBUMD).
SOBUMD:  It’s not your turn to talk.
RQoP:  Humph! [stamps foot]
SOBUMD:  And go up to your room if you can’t be polite!
BUMD:  Or hold a meeting, like everybody else!

Tags: Children // Add Comment »

 Without further ado, Happy Father’s Day to my father and to yours, Gentle Reader.  I myself am a father as well, and I had a great day.  Just thought you ought to know!  ;-)

Tags: Children // Add Comment »

This week’s Time Suck is brought to you by the number 17 and the letter C.  Seventeen, you see, is roughly the number of trees that came down in the last set of big storms at the Thorn Bottom Chalet, which is where the Parents of the Big Ugly Man Doll (POTBUMD) can be found on any given Sunday.   The ‘C’ stands for Chainsaw.  

When I say trees, I mean trees of a certain size.  Such as, large.  You’ve seen the pictures of trees people can drvie cars through?  OK, smaller than that, unless you have a Mini Cooper.  You could probably get a Mini through one of those suckers.  There were dozens, for moderately large values of dozens, of smaller trees and crap down all over.  The fact that nothing hit the house could be seen by some, by which I mean the MOBUMD, as further proof of the existence of a god.  I see it as proof of a darn good building planner and a whole lotta luck.

But enough of the existential questions!  I’m sure many of you are thinking of a manly weekend for the BUMD, filled with chainsaws and beer, and many more of you are thinking “What about the TSoW?”  Well, the good news is you’re both right.  It was a good manly weekend, filled with chainsaws and beer.  The simple combination of those two words, chainsaws and beer, also constitutes the Time Suck of the Week.  Nothing makes time fly faster than realizing one of four vital things:

1.  You’re out of gas.
2.  You’re out of beer.
3.  You’re out of branches, trees, small furry things, etc., to chop into wafer-thin slices.
4.  That was your leg.

OK, only one person actually nicked his leg, and it wasn’t me, and it was only a flesh wound, by which I mean he tore his jeans (I’m impressed that he didn’t subsequently wet them), and he wasn’t even drinking beer.  

You want a timesuck?  Grab a chainsaw, a cold sixpack, and head for the hills!  Time flies like an eagle, like the man said, and fruit flies… 

Tags: Children // Add Comment »