Kid’s Toys We WISH They Made

New from the Lego Bionicle Line – Toa Mata Hari!
One of the rare female Bionicles, she’s had most of the others, and they’re all in love with her. You can play with her as she plays the guys off against one another! Isn’t she FABULOUS!
American Girl Doll – Sybil!
With completely different outfits for Vicky, Peggy Lou, Mary Lucinda, Marcia Lynn, Vanessa Gail, Mike, Nancy Lou Ann, Ruthie, Clara, Helen, Marjorie, and The Blonde. They’d make a ton of money on this one, and it’s the LAST doll you have to buy!

Wii Screw!
Put the kids to bed and enjoy the safest sex you’ll EVER have. Remember the plastic sheath you’re supposed to put over the remote? Right. Think Sin City SIMS and you’re close.
[Picture removed in the interest of taste and decency.]
Merrily We Pull Along Duck and Egg Scrambler!
Little Johnny can finally help in the kitchen – just put a fresh egg on the duck’s wheels and let him “walk” it for an hour. When the music stops, the egg is ready for cooking – if you haven’t started drinking by then.
Build a Bear.
No, yeah, a real goddamn bear. Run!
Shots and Ladders!
Get drunk and naked with this new twist on the classic board game. Penalty Shot!
Pre-School Musical!
Step into the past with Troysie, Gabby, and the gang as they cry, whine, repeat themselves over and over, and pull each other’s hair… Oh, wait, that’s the real one. Never mind.

One Response to “Kid’s Toys We WISH They Made”

  1. […] had the joy of attending a party where bears are built, let me tell you a little about it. First, not THAT kind of bear, though I still think mine would make for a cooler, albeit shorter, par… The first thing we do is gather up all your little darlings and report to your Party Leader. Now, I […]

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