Amazing Spam!

4 September, 2010 | | No Comment

I get some really outlandish Spam on this site.  I’ve decided to collect some of the farther out examples to share with you – link free, of course.

  • “Leotard question : what style should I wear? | Long Sleeved Leotard” writes in to say the following:  “How do you do! interestingly you: make your own porn free hardcore gay porn or tranny porn movie clips, twilight porn and hardcore porn tube naked girl porn. I’m looking forward to seeing you again!”  Well, likewise, I’m sure. 
  • “BermNedge” writes in to say: “Good night! call: japan webcam sex porn trailors or anal hernia free psp porn samples and teen lesbians two lips jenna jamison porn star or tequila frogs tits. Take care of yourself!”  Um, frog tits? Is there really a big demand there? 
  • “Bistinhatialk” writes to say:  “Dear Reader! it for you: mature amateur asian women page full length porn vids or anal sex pics disney’s jasmine porn and user submitted videos amateur free porn xxx clips . See you later!”  Hey, Disney’s Jasmine did a porn movie?  I have this wrong, wrong, wrong image that involves her with Aladdin AND the Genie, on the carpet, in the air…
  • “Excergeax” wants me to read the following, which I’ve excerpted here because it’s really, really long.  I assume it’s a cut and paste from the original War and Peace, or possilbly War and Peace and Fish, since they’re posting from something called  “???????» ? ????? ??????? ????? ?????????, ???????? ? ??? ???????? ????????????. ????????? – ??????? ?????? ?????????? ? ???? ??? ???? ??????????? ??????: ??????????, ?????, ???????? ????? (?????????? ????, ?????????????? (??????????????) ??????????? ??????? ????????????? ? ???????? ???????? ?????????. ?????? ? ??????? – 2005 ?????????? ???????? ????? I. ??????????? many essential food items, you know, from 10 to 20 %. ?23 J: It’s not just a simple case of taking money ?????????? ???????? ????? 24 ?????? ?.?. 25 ??????? ?.?. 26 ??????? ??? ????????? ?????????  ???????? ????????, ?????? ??????????, ???????????. ????? ??????, ??? ???????, ????????, ????????, ????.”  Why on earth these people are trying to make a business out of sending me russian literature with sections of old MBA textbooks sprinkled in like salt in a word salad, I’ll never know. 
  • “adarlidigedon” writes to say:  “How are things?! forward: free porn videos on psp free psp porn download or friend’s moms tits red neck porn and perky firm tits cumshot porn. Take care of yourself!”  Hey, you too, stay in touch.  You had me at ‘perky firm tits’, by the way. 

I used to get really upset about all this, until we installed a top notch spam blocker (Akismet, if you’re interest) and I realized that no one sees them but me.  Now, I like to check in with my spammers at least once a week – it’s like having friends with people who developed Tourette’s after their stroke – dirty word salad.  It reminds me of high school, come to think of it.

This whole thing also raises the question of well-intentioned spam, which I’ve started calling the Spamber Alert.  “OH NOES,” they write, “some small helpless person is being kidnapped right now, and we have to send this post to everyone we know if there’s a chance you could help find them before they need the next dosage of their cancer medicine, which they can’t administer themselves because they have no arms and have autism!” 

Needless to say, a shot of Snopes on the rocks usually cures my impluse to repost these.  But next time you get that note in your email inbox offering to make your penis 3 inches larger, take a moment to read it before you press delete.  Think about the poor slob who penned that copy. 

After all, the cock you grow could be your own. 


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