Someone’s Getting Married in the Morning

Yesterday the kids learned a new song about a girl named Mary Mack, Mack, Mack, all dressed in black, black, black, with silver buttons, buttons, buttons, all down her back, back, back. Now obviously this Goth chick’s father owns a line of trucks, and she’s in formal black because he’s dead, or getting re-married, or maybe because she’s just full-on emo Goth and it’s a Thursday.

I, of course, was honor-bound to share with them the original song about Mary Mack, which concerns the impending arranged nuptials between the singer and the subject, to wit: Mary Mack’s Father’s Making Mary Mack Marry Me, And My Father’s Making Me Marry Mary Mack.

This is about when these obstreperous and uncultured children sprang on me their twisted favorite, compliments of YouTube, which has an animated yellow cartoon face singing “Mary Mack, Mack, Mack, all dressed in” and here the image inverts to negative and the voiceover yells “PURPLE!”, which is over course the FUNNIEST THING IN THE WORLD if you are less than 10 years old and your medication has worn off.

So this morning, despite my protestations, it was decided that we needed to review what we’d learned yesterday and headed back to YouTube for another round of 4 seconds of Mary Mack shouting purple, to which I was, of course, honor-bound to counter with another round of Mary Mack’s Father’s Making Mary Etc. This lead to a conversation in the car ride to school during which the Reigning Queen of Pink decided that she would never marry her brother. Number One Son explained to her that she couldn’t even if she had wanted to, since (1) you’re not allowed to marry your brother or sister, and (2) her brother was him, and he’d be damned if he’d marry her.

This quickly devolved.

By the time I got these loons to the school, which – to be clear – is only 4 blocks from the house, Mary Mack’s father was wearing purple buttons all down *his* back, presumably in a tight corset, and the Reigning Queen of Pink was marrying Mary Mack, having established that girls can marry girls and boys can marry boys, as long as they’re not siblings. I think we concluded firmly that Mary Mack (Mack, Mack) was all dressed in black (black, black) with silver buttons because her father was marrying her ex-boyfriend, Jack Jack Jack.

I’m sure their teachers wonder what the hell goes on at our house.

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