ManFAQ Friday: Not by the Hairs of his Chinny Chin Chin?
Friday is once again answer time at the ManFAQ. And so I don my manly mantle as Sage of the Sexes, helping demystify the more malodorous gender for those of the gentler, as we add to the list of questions women have asked about men over the years. Actual questions, posed by real women, and answered by a REAL man. Like the man said, “What could go wrong?”
Question: Dear Big Ugly Man Doll, at what point should I request/insist my spouse address the 14 hairs sprouting on my 14-year-old son’s chin? –when the black one on his cheek passes one inch long? –when the chin hairs could, theoretically, be braided? I have mentioned it enough times that my Cool Mom status is in serious jeopardy. Shouldn’t someone who actually shaves (his neck, quarterly) have to deal with this?
-Sincerely, Hairy-legged Mom of Boys
Answer: Dear Hairy, Let me say first that you are wise and wonderful to approach this with some delicacy, or at least to make it your spouse’s problem. They say you never forget your first girl, and I assure you as a former 14-yr-old boy, you never forget your first shave, either. Mind you, I was 13. My mother looked at me from across the room, rolled her eyes, and told me to go wash my face. I returned a moment later, and she said “I thought I told you to go wash your face!” “I did,” I protested. “Come here.” She realized that mere soap wasn’t going remove the incipient mustache that was darkening my lip, and immediately called for my father.
So I have to side with you on this one – someone familiar with the razorly arts should sit him down in front of the mirror, bust out the whipped cream, and show him how much fun it is to scrape a phenomenally sharp blade across your features until you bleed. Even for women who shave their legs, it’s just not the same thing. (Women who regularly shave their faces don’t tend to have this particular problem in the first place.)
But the question of when – when he’s ready. (After all, if you’ve mentioned it to him, he’ll get to it. No need to nag him about it every six months.) No, OK, not really. You’re going to need leverage. Your best bet is to explain to the 14-yr-old that Fu Manchu never got girls, and that his own best chances of getting girls someday – some far disant day 4 years from now, perhaps, but still – is to chafe those cheeks and trim the scraggle-chin. When he brings up ZZ Top – and we all bring up ZZ Top – tell him that when it comes in like theirs, he can grow it out like theirs – but until then, Gillette is still the best a man can get.
Good luck!
Now you know. Please, feel free to comment! Also, forward any questions you’d like answered to BUMD – at – biguglymandoll.com! As always, your anonymity is guaranteed!
I have to say… I actually had to show my own 13 year old how to do it myself. He had taken to trimming the ‘stache with a tiny pair of my sewing scissors so I knew I had to take action and his dad was not stepping up. Its done, he is not too badly traumatized and considerably less hairy.