Big Ugly Man Doll

As I put the kids to bed, the Human Tape Recorder tells me the good news – she has, after only 5 years of school, won something in PE. Now, your mileage may have varied, but my recollection of PE is certainly where modern notions of waterboarding came from, so the fact the she’s excited by this fact is not unreasonable. I personally never won *anything* in PE other than “kid most likely to get picked dead last for whatever fresh hell the instructor has invented today.”

Looking back, the coach always just *declared* some kids to be captains. Did those kids actually know how to blow the coach, or were their moms involved? It was always the same kids… But I digress.

Anyway, the HTR has won the coveted “National Fitness Award” in doing something called a “crunch-up”, which turns out to be (go figure) a cross between a crunch and a push up. Like I said, today’s Fresh Hell. But she did something on the order of 30+ of them within the requisite timeframe, and was duly rewarded. I squeed for her, out of a sense of duty as well as pride, and she told me about it: They were very difficult, and then they were easy, and then more difficult, and her stomach muscles hurt, but then her stomach muscles were strong.

And then, the coup-de-grâce: “Of course, it may be just because I’ve been puking my guts out.”

There you have it, boys and girls – bulimia is the next Olympic sport. Shite – I really need to watch this one, if only because she’s going to have us accidentally arrested one of these days. She threw up exactly once, two days ago, in the middle of the night, but this is obviously why she now sports washboard abs.

Next up: Number One Son and the Washboard Abs!

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