The Hobbesian Horoscope, 10/26/12
Happy Friday – the last one in October! Halloween is coming up – along with another chance to catch up with your own personal astrological future. Your upcoming week will be poor, nasty, brutish, and short – but don’t let it get you down! Read on!
Aries (The Ram): This is a good week for emergency preparedness, or it would have been if you’d been prepared for the emergency. But you weren’t. Your high-risk disease this week: Cutaneous Larva Migrans.
Taurus (The Bull): You will be rated as non-exempt in your job position this week, which sounds great until you realize it’s because your position is being reclassified as “expendable.”
Gemini (The Twins): You will think it a shame this week that you get to feeling better because you’re not feeling any pain. Run with it – not all pain is gain. Your high-risk disease this week: Cyclosporiasis.
Cancer (The Crab): This would have been a good week to stock up on vitamins. And by vitamins I mean alcohol.
Leo (The Lion): What the hell are you going to do with all those avocados? Your grocery cart looks like a punch line or a middle school math problem. Your high-risk disease this week: Cytomegalovirus.
Virgo (The Virgin): You may ask yourself this week where that highway goes to, and how you got there, and what you’ve done. These are all good questions. Good luck with your quest.
Libra (The Scale): As you listen to the words of your favorite song when it comes over the radio in the shopping mall, you will realize you’ve been mis-hearing that one line your whole life, and you will never again feel clean. Your high-risk disease this week: Diphyllobothriasis.
Scorpio (The Scorpion): It’s your birthday, all week. Get down with your bad self.
Sagittarius (The Archer): When the dragon comes this week, you can tell it no thanks, you’ve been once already, and to go find someone else. Mind you, dragons are notorious for not listening too well. Your high-risk disease this week: Dracunculiasis.
Capricorn (The Sea-Goat): The good: Your life is like a book. The bad: With a lousy title. The ugly: By Stephenie Meyer.
Aquarius (The Water Bearer): You will make a concerted effort this week to read that book you’ve been meaning to read. You’ll fall asleep with the lights on 4 out of 5 nights. Your high-risk disease this week: Ebola Hemorrhagic Fever.
Pisces (The Fish): When you dream this week, you will dream of sleeping. When you dream that you wake up, you won’t really be sure until you eat dinner, when you accidentally bite your tongue and wake yourself up again. That night, you’ll bite your tongue at dinner and curse this blog post, saying “darn you, Big Ugly Man Doll!”
You nailed it this week! Just tell me the damn road next time. Didn’t get the job. Pretty scary I was saying woohoo after the call. Really not up for working a job with little parameters but lots of chaos. Well the hubby just called with good news, he stocked up at the grocery store with heaven knows what. Now where I am going to put all this food? I am heading out of town to a sane place please Sandy just wanna get there in one piece. Don’t worry I’ll post pictures when I get there. Stay safe and dry!