Big Ugly Man Doll

OK, we’re into the top five.  The bottom five.  The worst five.  Before we proceed, let’s review the horrors that have gone before:

• Merry Christmas Darling, Karen Carpenter
• Mr. Hankey, The Christmas Poo, South Park
• Santa Baby
• Holly Jolly Christmas, Burl Ives
• I’m Gettin’ Nuttin’ for Christmas
• All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth
• 12 Days of Christmas
• Last Christmas, Wham!
• It’s the Holiday Season, Williams Bros
• Dominick the Donkey
• Jingle Bells, Barking Dogs
• Feed the World, Band Aid
• It’s a Marshmallow World, Dean Martin
• Santa’s Beard, Beach Boys
• Our Love is Like a Holiday, Michael Bolton
• We Need a Little Christmas
• Happy Christmas / War is Over, John and Yoko
• Mistletoe, Justin Bieber
• Christmas Song, Alvin and the Chipmunks
• Baby It’s Cold Outside (the Date Rape Song)

Now, there are five songs left in this advent countdown that will join this pantheon of meh, this recitation of inglorious,  tautological, pathological repetition, holiday after holiday after holiday.   (I’m nodding off just typing this, that’s how boring some of these are.)

In the list above, some of the artists are noted since the songs are closely associated with them, and some have no artists listed because the songs have been covered by every Tom, Dick, and Hairy Muppet that’s tried to horn in on a little X-mas action.  Today’s song, truly doesn’t suck intrinsically.  It required a cover to suck.  And suck it does, unless you’re a girl between the ages of 7 and 12. 

Yep.  We weren’t done with the Bieb.

Someday at Christmas is a fine song.  A song of hope.  A song about a world where men are free.  Call me crazy, but after hearing Stevie Wonder put his heart and soul into “all men are equal and no men have fears,” Justin Bieber’s version seems to lack gravitas, to lack a certain depth.   I can’t quite place why.

Oh wait, yes I can – he’s a rich white kid who’s clearly decided not to cut his hair until his balls drop. 

So go on, make sure it’s as bad as I say.  Am I wrong about this?  Let me know. 

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