Advent of Holiday Horror: Song 10

16 December, 2011 | | No Comment

And we’re into the top ten, or the bottom ten, depending on how you look at it. 

Look, I’m just going to give it a rest over here, and we’re all going to take note of the “in-you-end-oh” connotations of the word nuttin’ and just not worry about  some 10-yr-old who’s getting a nutting for Christmas.  That’s just wrong.  And we’re not going to make jokes about him staying with his Uncle Sandusky for the holidays, either.  Nope.  We’re taking the high road today.

OK, yeah, if we’re taking the high road it’s only because my GPS broke and I’ll be damned if I’ll ask for directions back to the gutter.  We’ll find it soon enough.

So every time I hear this one, somewhere in the back of my mind is Eddie Murphy, reading his poetry from prison.

I broke my bat on Johnny’s head.
Kill that bastard.  Kill that bastard.
I hid a frog in sister’s bed;
Kill that bastard.  Kill that bastard.
I spilled some blood on Mommy’s rug;
I made Tommy eat a lead slug;
Stole some gum with nary a shrug;
Somebody snitched on me.
I put a tack on teacher’s chair.
Don’t need no reason, life ain’t fair. 
Somebody snitched on me.
I tied a knot in Susie’s hair.
Somebody snitched on me
And if’n I find out it was Susie, I’ma shank that bitch when I get out.
Esh-Ay-En-Kay That Bitch.

Really?  Do we really need to detail the assaults, mayhem, animal abuse, and petty crimes required to get onto Santa’s bad side?  This isn’t a holiday song, it’s a recitation before the jury delivers a verdict!  Throw the book at it! 

Yeah, this is the bottom ten alright.  And as long we’re choosing bottoms and tops, I’d say we found the gutter again too, whaddaya say baby?  You watch this video and I’ll slip into something less constricting, see you 5 minutes.  You can keep the socks on.

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