Courting the Hugh Hefner vote?
OK, it’s official: John McCain is qualified to run the Playboy Mansion.
Cindy’s a known hottie, and even the Wonkette thinks Sarah Palin has moved from GILF to "presumptive VPILF nominee." Heck, even Vogue Magazine thinks the VP wannabe has what it takes – to sell magazines.
“She’s not from these parts, and she’s not from Washington, but when you get to know her, you’re going to be as impressed as I’m sure I will be,” said McCain in an exclusive interview with the Big Ugly Man Doll. "I just met her a few days ago, but after a few hours chatting her up about what it means to be on the Presidential staff, I went home to surprise Cindy without even needing one of Bob’s Bullets," he confided. "Plus – and don’t tell anyone this, or I’ll have to eat your spleen like they did to several of my buddies at the Hanoi Hilton, back in ‘Nam – I tried to tap that Paris chick for VeeP, but she shot me down faster than the SAM that took down my A-4 Skyhawk over Trúc B?ch. I still think she has a better energy policy than Little Miss ‘I thought ANWR was the Eskimo word for oil’ does." But still, he’s happy to be running with a girl younger than 2 of his own kids.
So John McCain was impressed, and clearly John McCain’s staff was impressed. After seeing her 1984 pictures as Miss Wasilla, even the BUMD is impressed. Besides, if they win, she’ll be one melanoma away from a new title: PILF!
Larry Craig’s opinion notwithstanding.
McCain demonstrates his running mate selection method:
"You! Yeah, you with the shoes! Come here, what’s your name, honey? You wanna be the Veep?"
Cindy clarifies what "tapping" someone as running mate means:
"Bang her and die, old man."
A happy party is like a family:
"Geez, he’s older than grandpa…"
John and Sarah demonstrate how they’ll pick cabinet members:
"I like the blonde one, and besides, you picked the last time."
And John explains to Sarah what happens to bad girls who don’t do what their commander in chief tells them to do:
"The North Vietnamese taught me how to rip your throat out with my teeth."
And last, a gratuatious shot of the GILF:
"Why yes, I do think it’s odd that I’m never around when Wonder Woman shows up. Just my bad luck, I guess!"
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