ManFAQ Friday: It’s fine, relatively speaking!

28 October, 2011 | | 2 Comments

It’s Friday, and that means answer time! For those of you who have commented with questions from previous ManFAQs, thank you. I’m adding yours to the list of questions women have asked about men over the years, and I will answer them all in turn – to continue to demystify the more malodorous gender for those of the gentler.  Actual questions, posed by real women, and answered by a REAL man. What could go wrong?

Question:   I’m one of the guys most of the time, but here’s a guy thing that maybe you can explain:  the ability to instantly reclassify the merit of an object. To wit:
Hubby: “I need a new putter. This one is a piece of shit. It never hits straight, the grip’s crap, the balance is all wrong, and it’s scuffed up.”
[buys new putter]
Me: “I need a new putter…”
Hubby: “Here, take my old one. It’s a great putter!”
Me: “…?”

Answer:    As much as I would love to claim mere frugality and go drink beer, there’s more to it than that.  My deep study of Einstein’s Theory of Relativity tells me that what he means – and you’re right, we all do that – is that his putter is a piece of shit in his hands, since the scuffed up balance is coming off where he grips it.  You, on the other hand, might well – in fact, almost certainly will! – find that you grip it in a different spot, and so we find that it’s only a scuffed-up piece of shit relative to him.  Relative to you, it’s well balanced, has a good grip, and hits straight and true as an arrow.  

Remember, Darth Vader did kill Luke’s father – from a certain point of view.  Is Hubby in sales, by any chance?  This same ability to reframe merit based on point of view has been honed over generations of hucksters and salesmen, long before Tom Sawyer whitewashed that fence.  I myself employ it regularly on Craigslist and eBay.  Just as one man’s religion is another man’s belly laugh, and one man’s trash is another man’s treasure, one man’s putter…

So, I hope you took the putter and put it to relatively good use.  Did it bend when you hit him with it?


Now you know. Please, feel free to comment! Also, forward any questions you’d like answered to BUMD – at –!


  1. Diane Henders says:

    No, I didn’t hit him with it. I did something much, much worse. Something so evil and vicious that I hesitate to describe it here.

    I took the putter and started sinking putts. Lots of them. Guess it was a relative thing after all. Must be something about the grip…

  2. Big Ugly Man Doll says:

    Ah, sweet victory – it’s the best revenge!

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