You are getting very sleepy

23 August, 2007 | | No Comment

The other day my wife decided that I needed a new pillow. I tend to sweat on pillows, which may be why I needed a new one, and so she bought me a pillow from “Natura.” This is a wonderful new advance in pillow technology, in which the all wool pillow actually wicks moisture away while you’re sleeping.

What I want to know is, just where does it store all that moisture that it’s wicking away? I have this image of a big pillow with a bladder inside, storing sweat and drool up until the pressure builds up and it bursts forth one night in an unwholesome engorgement of tepid bodily fluids. I’m starting to have dreams of sloshing, and I’m not sure I like it.

We’re also looking at a new bed, and here’s another example of a technological advance that I just don’t understand. The “Memory Foam” mattress, for a mere gazillion dollars, will remember the contoures of your body and mold itself to your form.

You have to pay extra for that? Every mattress I’ve ever had was able to do that, usually before I’d finished paying for it. What would *really* be a valuable technology improvement would be a “Fuhgeddaboudit Foam” mattress, that was able to forget the shape of my ass when I get up each morning without my having to flip the damn thing and turn it twice a week. Now that would be a sleep-aid advance that my behind could get behind!

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