Big Ugly Man Doll

It’s Friday, and that means answer time! For those of you who have commented with questions from previous ManFAQs, thank you. I’m adding yours to the list of questions women have asked about men over the years, and I will answer them all in turn – to continue to demystify the more malodorous gender for those of the gentler.  Actual questions, posed by real women, and answered by a REAL man. What could go wrong?

Question:   Why do men never really tell you what they feel?

Answer:    Mostly because you have no possible concept of the extent to which thoughts of the possiblity of Hey Hey and thoughts of actual Hey Hey control everything from our vocabulary to our emotional state.   He worries that if he told you how he really felt, at best you wouldn’t believe him, and at worst you’d throw something at him.   “How do I feel” is not a question that comes up for many men without prompting or special training.  We have a very limited range of emotions:

• Hey Hey
• Hey Hey
• Hey Hey
• Beer
• Sleep
• Hey Hey

You can see where it becomes complicated to try to make something up that’s not on this list, when you ask him what he’s feeling.  He knows – special training – that he’s not really supposed to respond with one of the above answers, and he’s probably heard that you like the strong silent type, so he stays mum or gives you a very generic answer.

“I guess I’m conflicted.”

You’ll never get him to admit that he’s conflicted because his social training and sense of self-preservation are overriding his instincts, which are telling him to grab you by the hair and drag you back to his cave.   You could take him to see Dr. Zhivago and if he told you what he really felt, it would be something on the order of “would have been better with more sex scenes.” 

Sometimes, silence is golden.

Now you know.  Please, feel free to comment!  Also, forward any questions you’d like answered to BUMD – at – biguglymandoll.com!

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