Big Ugly Man Doll

Sometimes, you take the kids to the zoo and not one critter is available for your viewing pleasure, or they’re out but they just lay there like logs, or they’re not doing anything you want to have to explain to the kids so you walk past the monkey enclosure very fast. Take the kids home and read them this.

The Aardvarks ate arsenic, they died with a frown
The Bears bit their keepers and they all were put down
The Cougar got loose, dunno where she’s at
And the Dingoes dropped dead, life’s tough and that’s that
The Elephant’s absent, not tardy or late
The Falcon found something unkind on his plate
Giraffes have been gone now for many a year
But the Horses have only stepped out for a beer
The Iguanas just lay there, they might just be dead
Just like the Jackals, who never got fed
And the Kangaroo’s hopping right out of the gate
And Lion’s case worker’s been left to his fate
And the Manatee left with a “love you long time”
And the Naked Mole Rat got a job fighting crime
The Owls are all gone, they were too wise to stay
And the Panda’s been recalled – to where, I can’t say
A Queen Snake got loose and she caused quite a stir
Along with a Rattler that Queenie called “Sir”
The Sea Lion sabbatical has twice been prolonged
And the Tapir beat feet, tapped his hooves, said “so long”
An Upland gorilla got a job writing code
The Vulture found dinner on the other side of the road
The Wombat is talking to old Charles Fort
And the Xenopus Frog has found a new sport
And the Yak’s in Tibet, ’cause this place was too hot
And the Zebra changed stripes, ’cause his new name is Spot
Yeah I went to the zoo, ’cause there’s so much to see
But the only one left in the whole place was me!

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