Big Ugly Man Doll

It’s the Holiday Season, and we’re counting down the Christmas songs that really make me gag, the kind you’d rather hammer your thumb a few times than listen to them on the radio again.  You know the kind.  They go like this:

It’s a Holiday Horror
And all the songs that we detest
Get played along with all the rest
When Christmas time keeps rolling around
They’ll be bringing all my spirits down, down
They’ll be bringing all my spirits down

It’s a Holiday Horror
And Santa Claus is coming back
He’s mad as hell, and looks like Jack
Nich – ol – son when he was on crack!
Come on down the chimney, clown.

It’s a Holiday Horror
And Santa Claus has got a toy
For every good girl and good little boy (But not the good big boys, they’re on their own)
He’s a great big bundle of joy (He’s the Chattanooga Shoe-Shine Boy?)
He’ll be coming down the chimney, down
Coming down the chimney, down

It’s a Holiday Horror
With the whoop-de-do and hickory dock (can anyone tell me what the hell a hickory dock is?  anyone?  I’m waiting for a mouse to run up a friggin’ clock over here)
And don’t forget to hang your dirty sweat sock
Cause just exactly at 12 o’clock (because Santa has OCD just like the rest of us…)
He’ll be coming down the chimney
Coming down the chimney
Coming down the chimney, down!

Aaaaagghh.  Make it stop.  It is January yet?

No, really, it really sounds like that.  Listen: 

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