Today, thirty-three men are being reborn into the light of San Jose, Chile, through a canal 22 inches across and half a mile long. They will remember this second birthday every bit as well as they remember their first ones – probably a lot better, come to think of it.
OK kid. Turn your damn lights on if you’re reading, your eyes are bad enough already. Don’t stay up too late, and don’t make any noise. Daddy needs plausible deniability, OK? “OK Daddy!” And we just don’t talk about why all my kids could define “plausible deniability” before they could write their names.
There are two kinds of people: happy and not. As long as people are working toward happy, not gender, not sexuality, not religion, not race, not money, not weight – nothing else matters.
I’m going to be asking for your support as I become Good Morning America’s next Advice Guru. America needs an infusion of awesome pretty badly and, like the man said, I’m just the Big Ugly Man Doll to give it to them. Together, we’ll take the Friday ManFAQ national. I’ll keep you posted as I move through the application process. Come on, America, let’s wake up to the Big Ugly Man Doll!
Our road trip ended the way it started, with a Waffle House. Our waitress was a dusky-eyed, tattooed beauty named Carol, and she clearly owns the place. Perhaps not literally, but she knew everyone on both sides of the counter, all the orders, all the drinks, and every word to every song I played on the jukebox. I’m not sure what a girl has to do to look “dusky-eyed” at 0730 in the morning, but she did it.