Music, they say, can soothe the savage beast, and nowhere is this more evident than in the crib and nursery.\u00a0 The fussiest babies \u2013 and here I can speak with complete authority \u2013 can often be quieted through the calming magic of music.\u00a0 Whether it\u2019s an adult singing to them, a CD played softly, or a lullaby mobile gently spinning a tinkling, twinkling star, music is a nearly universal panacea for the pandemonium of parenthood.\u00a0<\/p>\n
And if that shit doesn\u2019t work, you can turn it up loud enough that you can\u2019t hear the screaming monsters in the back seat.\u00a0 As part of my ongoing public service announcements (which are part of my parole), I offer some advice on choosing music that (A) will keep your kids occupied for more than fifteen seconds and (B) won\u2019t have you reaching for the black-market valium you picked up last week.\u00a0<\/p>\n
The Wiggles.<\/strong>\u00a0 The best part of any kids\u2019 song is that the tune can be adapted in your head to mean something totally different, and the BEST kids\u2019 music is written with the parent\u2019s needs in mind.\u00a0 The Wiggles, an entirely too wholesome act from Down Under, does this pretty well.\u00a0 Such songs as Crunchy Munchy Honey Cakes<\/em> and Hot Potato<\/em> remind us that cooking is fun; Dingo Tango<\/em> and Here Comes A Bear<\/em> remind us that life can be very, very scary.\u00a0 Then there are the ones that are obviously<\/strong> for grownups:\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n \u00a0And last but never least in any Wiggles countdown:\u00a0 Hey There, Shaky Shaky!<\/em>\u00a0 \u00a0(\u201cHey there! I wanna shake with you!\u201d) \u00a0Let\u2019s face it, this is a kid\u2019s song based on a bad pickup line in a bar.\u00a0<\/p>\n \u00a0There are some more traditional songs that can be adapted to learning lessons as well.\u00a0 Wheels on the Bus is a favorite:<\/p>\n \u00a0The Baby on the Bus says, \u00a0And\u2026<\/p>\n \u00a0The Driver on the Bus says, But one of the all-time best set of songs for kids and their parents came from a Disney show called Bear in the Big Blue House<\/strong>.\u00a0 The songs have a kind of demented brilliance that\u2019s hard to resist, even long after all my kids have quit watching the show and requesting the music in the car.\u00a0 From the back seat, over the dulcet tones of the Sex Pistols or Barenaked Ladies, we\u2019d hear the imperious request: \u201cExcuse me, Boo Yang please!\u201d\u00a0 I\u2019m still not sure if the Boo was for Bear or Big or\u00a0Blue, but Yang meant songs, and Boo Yang it was.\u00a0<\/p>\n Songs like Take Time to Smell the Cheese<\/em> (\u201cLife is so much betta \/ when you smell the Feta\u201d) and What’s That Smell?<\/em> could get us miles without hearing them whine.\u00a0 (Although \u201cSmells like breakfast \u2013 hey, it\u2019s you!\u201d seemed pretty scary; did that 7-foot-tall bear just tell me I smelled like his breakfast<\/span>?\u00a0 Run!)\u00a0 Then there are the Welcome to the Blue House<\/em>, Good Morning<\/em>, and Goodbye Songs<\/em>, all delivered in an operatic boom that we still shout at the kids (GOOD MORNING, GOOD MORNING, GOOD MORNING TO EVERYONE!) even though they\u2019re long past wanting to hear it.\u00a0 The song Clean Up the House<\/em> is great for reminding everyone to help clean (\u201cLet\u2019s take it upstairs!\u201d\u00a0 \u201cOh, geez, Dad, let\u2019s not\u2026\u201d) and I still remind them to \u201cBrush Brush Bree, Brush Brush Broo!\u201d when going to bed.\u00a0 Mostly out of sheer bloodyminded spite on my part.\u00a0 I had to listen to those songs for hours.\u00a0 They should suffer in turn.<\/p>\n My favorite Boo Yang, though, may have been Shadow’s Lullaby<\/em>.\u00a0 It\u2019s a great song, lilting, lyrical, and haunting, that describes how safe you are sleeping tonight because the “Shadows are watching over this house.” \u00a0 Yesssssssss, that\u2019s<\/strong> the nice, supernatural stalker image I want running through my head as I try to fall asleep.\u00a0 Can we sleep with all the lights on again, please, at least until I can get Dancing With Wags The Dog<\/em> back in my head?<\/p>\n And since that was too creepy, we will close with the cautionary tales of They Might Be Giants<\/strong>, who did a kid\u2019s album a few years ago.\u00a0 From the people who brought us Triangle Man and Birdhouse In Your Soul, my kids are bopping to the strains of:\u00a0<\/p>\n \u00a0At least from TMBG, we expect it\u2019s going to be weird.\u00a0 My favorite from the NO!<\/em> album is Where Do They Make Balloons<\/em>, and is it the same factory that makes condoms?\u00a0<\/p>\n \u00a0Music.\u00a0 It\u2019s not just for breakfast anymore.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" The Baby on the Bus says, \u201cWaa waa waa!\u201d \/ And all the other parents on the Bus give it\u2019s mommy dirty looks.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[61,21,40,43],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/68"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=68"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/68\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":485,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/68\/revisions\/485"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=68"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=68"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=68"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}\n
\n\u201cWaa waa waa,\u201d
\n\u201cWaa waa waa,\u201d
\n\u201cWaa waa waa!,\u201d
\nThe Baby on the Bus says,
\n\u201cWaa waa waa!\u201d
\nAnd all the other parents on the Bus give its mommy dirty looks.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
\n\u201cMove to the back,\u201d
\n\u201cMove to the back,\u201d
\n\u201cMove to the back!\u201d
\nThe Driver on the Bus says,
\n\u201cMove to the back!\u201d
\nAnd Rosa Parks says, \u201cNo.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n