I want to preface this with a note that I was hoping not to have any part of this conversation with any of my kids for a long, long time.\u00a0 Posthumously would have been fine.\u00a0 But then, if I\u2019d really not wanted to engage in this kind of conversation, I shouldn\u2019t have let them watch Joan Rivers.<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
Reigning Queen of Pink:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cMommy, what\u2019s \u2018gay\u2019?\u201d<\/p>\n Spouse of the Big Ugly Man Doll:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cThat means that a man prefers dating other men instead of women; or, for women, that they prefer dating women.\u201d<\/p>\n RQoP:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m a lesbian.\u201d<\/p>\n SOBUMD:<\/strong>\u00a0 [Spits her wine]\u00a0 \u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n RQoP:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cI think boys are icky, so I\u2019m a lesbian.\u201d<\/p>\n SOBUMD:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re 8 years old.\u00a0 You\u2019re *supposed* to think boys are icky at your age \u2013 and you\u2019re right, 8-year-old boys *are* icky.\u00a0 When you get older, old enough to date, then you can decide if you\u2019re a lesbian.\u00a0 Everyone is different.\u201d<\/p>\n Big Ugly Man Doll:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cRQoP, you see, everyone is a little of everything \u2013 it\u2019s just a matter of degree.\u00a0 For example, I\u2019m 93 percent attracted to women, 5 percent attracted to men, 2 percent attracted to goats and sheep, and 100 percent attracted to Mommy.\u201d<\/p>\n Human Tape Recorder:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cSo, you\u2019re a Mommysexual?\u201d<\/p>\n BUMD:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cShut up, kid, and stop eavesdropping next to our door.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n HTR:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cDuh, stop making so much noise!\u201d<\/p>\n RQoP:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cSo when can I be a lesbian?\u201d<\/p>\n BUMD:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cNot until you\u2019re 30.\u00a0\u00a0 Daddy\u2019s very gender-neutral about this, you\u2019re not dating anyone until you\u2019re 30, male or female, two legs or four.\u00a0 My little girls aren\u2019t dating ANYTHING until they\u2019re 30.\u201d<\/p>\n SOBUMD:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cHe means 13.\u201d<\/p>\n BUMD:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cThirty.\u201d<\/p>\n SOBUMD:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cThirteen.\u201d<\/p>\n BUMD:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cTwenty-nine, and that\u2019s my final offer.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n Yeah, posthumously would have been the better bet.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" But then, if I\u2019d really not wanted to engage in this kind of conversation, I shouldn\u2019t have let them watch Joan Rivers.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[3,40,10,4],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/553"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=553"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/553\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":554,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/553\/revisions\/554"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=553"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=553"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=553"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}