{"id":418,"date":"2010-07-04T14:11:57","date_gmt":"2010-07-04T18:11:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/?p=418"},"modified":"2010-07-04T14:11:57","modified_gmt":"2010-07-04T18:11:57","slug":"a-declaration-of-independence","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/?p=418","title":{"rendered":"A Declaration of Independence"},"content":{"rendered":"

I\u2019m declaring my independence.\u00a0\u00a0 We talk about it every year, but we haven\u2019t done in 234 years, and that\u2019s too long \u2013 so I\u2019m taking the lead and declaring mine.\u00a0\u00a0 Like the man said, a decent respect for the opinions of others requires that I declare and describe that which impels me to this separation. \u00a0Besides, it\u2019s a good day for it.<\/p>\n

I declare my independence from advertising, both foreign and domestic.\u00a0 I will no longer listen to blandishments convincing me to purchase things I do not need with money I do not have.\u00a0 Today more than ever we see three types: the Haves, the Have-Nots, and the Have Not Yet Paid For What They Haves, and it is this third group that is most at risk and most heavily targeted.\u00a0 Who doesn\u2019t want that nice new car?\u00a0 You can afford thaaaaat, come on, it\u2019s just a few more dollars a month, and we can finance it for you over 10 years!\u00a0 You\u2019ll be able to pay for it eventually.\u00a0<\/p>\n

I declare my independence from demagogues, liberals and conservatives alike, from those who listen to the other guy looking only for cheap shots and soundbites to snipe from.\u00a0 I declare my independence not necessarily from God, but from all of His Followers, and His Follows, and His Other Followers.\u00a0 And Her Followers too, for that matter.\u00a0 You can all just keep it to yourselves.\u00a0 Your religion is very much like your genitalia \u2013 everyone has their own, we all like to take them out of fiddle with them now and then, and they should be kept off of television and out of politics.\u00a0 Which is ironic in itself, as the level of political discourse in this country pretty much comes down to two people arguing over who\u2019s is bigger.\u00a0\u00a0 I do declare.\u00a0<\/p>\n

I declare my independence from our very own American Axis of Evil:\u00a0\u00a0 Arizona, the Texas Board of Education, and the NFL.\u00a0\u00a0 In today\u2019s headline roundup, there\u2019s an idiot who\u2019s decided it would be a good idea to require the utilities to check the immigration status of customers<\/a>.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0Cutting electricity, water, natural gas, even telephone lines at the homes of illegal immigrants, he said, would lower costs for the rest of the state’s customers. He believes the population spike in Arizona caused by illegal immigrants has forced the state to build new power plants and then raise rates for customers.\u00a0 What are we, Arizona, 6th Graders?\u00a0 \u201cWe don\u2019t want to break up with them \u2013 we want them to break up with us.\u201d\u00a0 Next we can play bad music really loud in front of their houses at 3am and see if they\u2019ll leave then.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0If you know the address, go pick them up.\u00a0 I can get you the INS hotline.\u00a0 Moron.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Then we have the Texas Board of Ed, which earlier this year pushed to downplay the influence that Tom Jefferson guy had in founding our nation because the notion of the “separation of church and state” has been traced to him.\u00a0 Revising American history as taught in their public school text books still won\u2019t change the fact that America was not built as a \u201cChristian\u201d nation.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 From these people, I declare my independence.\u00a0<\/p>\n

And don\u2019t get me started about football.\u00a0\u00a0 I just don\u2019t care.<\/p>\n

I declare my independence from the state of Healthcare in this country.\u00a0 I\u2019ve found a two-step, simple to follow weight-loss rule that doctors and the insurance companies don\u2019t want you know about, and I\u2019m not even going to make you send me money for it.\u00a0 Are you ready?\u00a0<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Eat less.\u00a0<\/li>\n
  2. Exercise more.\u00a0<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    \u201cNo no, that won\u2019t work \u2013 we need something more complicated or we don\u2019t feel like we\u2019re doing it right.\u201d\u00a0 \u00a0OK, try this.\u00a0 Every time you buy something at the store, read all the ingredients.\u00a0 If you can\u2019t pronounce at least half of them, put it back and stop eating that shit.\u00a0 It\u2019s not good for you.<\/p>\n

    I declare that all men are not are created equal, and that we shouldn\u2019t worry too much about that fact.\u00a0 Some people really are smarter than you and me, some are stronger, some are faster.\u00a0 Deal with it.\u00a0 They are all, however, endowed by their Creators with certain unalienable rights, those being the aforementioned life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. \u00a0They don\u2019t have<\/strong> to buy stuff they can\u2019t afford, eat crap they can\u2019t pronounce, and learn lies they can\u2019t believe \u2013 just because we\u2019ve made those habits shiny and sugarcoated over the last 35 years doesn\u2019t mean we have<\/strong> to do them.\u00a0 We don\u2019t have to make it uncomfortable by turning off people’s lights, either \u2013 if they\u2019re not here legally, in a country founded as a nation of laws, then send them back to try it again the right way.\u00a0 I know it\u2019s hard.\u00a0 Deal with it.\u00a0 All people are not created equal.\u00a0<\/p>\n

    Declare your independence.\u00a0 Speak your mind, then listen to others do the same.\u00a0 The following three quotes probably sum it all up.<\/p>\n

      \n
    • \u201cDo what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law.\u201d<\/li>\n
    • \u201cDo unto others as you would have them do unto you.\u201d<\/li>\n
    • \u201cThink for yourself, schumck.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

      There, that wasn\u2019t so hard.\u00a0 And Happy 4th of July!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

      I declare my independence not necessarily from God, but from all of His Followers, and His Follows, and His Other Followers. And Her Followers too, for that matter. You can all just keep it to yourselves. Your religion is very much like your genitalia \u2013 everyone has their own, we all like to take them out of fiddle with them now and then, and they should be kept off of television and out of politics. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[11,14],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/418"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=418"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/418\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":422,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/418\/revisions\/422"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=418"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=418"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=418"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}