Dear Friend, Fond Relation, and Gentle Reader: \u00a0Welcome back! \u00a0I’ve been away a while. I\u2019ve missed a few marks and notes; I missed commenting on my birthday. \u00a0Yes, I missed commenting on your birthday, also – sorry about that!<\/p>\n
But I\u2019ve been hearing a lot lately about the state of America\u2019s underpants. We seem to have them twisted, bunched up, slightly damp, and certainly uncomfortable. We can\u2019t stop talking about what\u2019s in who\u2019s pants and what we need to do about it \u2013 particularly in the bathroom.<\/p>\n
So, in my capacity as the final arbiter of sanity, good taste, decency, and gender equality in this country, and speaking\u00a0as a Real Man, I figured it was my civic duty to take a break from this semi-retirement and assist the country as it grapples with the deep, penetrating question of who should use which bathroom. \u00a0What could go wrong?<\/p>\n
Without further ado, and in the interest of the complete objectivity for which I am known, I give you the answer to the Great American Bathroom Debate:<\/p>\n
The men\u2019s room is for Real Men.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s that simple. If you\u2019re a Real Man, use the men\u2019s room. \u00a0Now, I know that not everyone knows at a glance if someone is or isn’t a Real Man. \u00a0(Someone else, that is. \u00a0If you’re<\/strong> not a Real Man, you probably know that. \u00a0If you’re wondering whether or not\u00a0you’re a Real Man, you’re not. \u00a0If you are<\/strong> a Real Man, the question just doesn’t occur to you.)<\/p>\n Just as a handy checklist, here are a few things that differentiate a Real Man:<\/p>\n\n
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