{"id":3931,"date":"2016-02-05T18:30:45","date_gmt":"2016-02-05T23:30:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/?p=3931"},"modified":"2016-02-05T18:30:45","modified_gmt":"2016-02-05T23:30:45","slug":"the-making-of-the-true-reuben","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/?p=3931","title":{"rendered":"The Making of the True Reuben"},"content":{"rendered":"

It has been explained to me several times in recent days that I have neglected you, gentle reader, and that I should be ashamed – but more than ashamed, I should be writing.<\/p>\n

In an effort to make amends AND stay current, I will tell you about the Reuben\u00a0sandwich I had last night – a Reuben, I must add, of my own making.<\/p>\n

You see, it starts with good corned beef, yes, but it cannot end there.\u00a0 If you have it in you to corn your own beef, so much the better – and more power to ya, I don’t have that kind of time.\u00a0 So, spend the extra 50 cents per pound and splurge on the meat.\u00a0 You won’t regret it.<\/p>\n

But the True Reuben\u00a0is not just meat.\u00a0 Oh no.\u00a0 There is also sauerkraut.\u00a0 and on your sauerkraut, you can aim as high or as low as you want – of course, you can make your own sauerkraut at home as well, and again, I envy you your obviously superlative time management skills.\u00a0 The only thing in my house that I can find time to pickle is my liver, and that’s only because I can multitask while drinking.<\/p>\n

Back to our sauerkraut.\u00a0 It doesn’t matter what kind you buy.\u00a0 You’re going to put it on the stove, in a pot or saucepan, with all its juices.\u00a0 You will then add about a quarter of the caraway\u00a0seeds\u00a0you have left on the shelf, assuming you haven’t used any of them for anything else.\u00a0 If you’re below half the jar, use them all.\u00a0 Boil that.\u00a0 Yes, you can add some beer, but it won’t help.\u00a0 and besides, weren’t you going to drink that?\u00a0 Doesn’t matter.<\/p>\n

The important bit is that you have your pans set up, your rye bread – you got rye bread, right?\u00a0 We’re not doing this without rye bread – buttered on both sides, and your Thousand Island (or Russian dressing, which is another name for “that oddly tasty orange oil slick some people put on salad’) close at hand, with a basting brush handy.\u00a0 And the Swiss cheese, at least halfway decent, the kind you wouldn’t be ashamed to serve to your grandmother, assuming she was from the old country and would know better in the first place, but you don’t have to break the bank for it.\u00a0 Get someone to slice it pretty thin but not really thin.\u00a0 If you can read the paper through it, thank a teacher, but it’s too thin.<\/p>\n

Ok.\u00a0 You’ve got the best corned beef you can afford, some generic sauerkraut that isn’t going to know what hit it anyway, good rye bread – I like the pumpernickel swirl, but then I like Jackson Pollock paintings too, so who the hell am I, you know – and you’ve got at least two, maybe three pans on your stovetop, staying warm.<\/p>\n

You buttered the bread, right?\u00a0 Both sides?\u00a0 Real butter?\u00a0 Yes, real butter has salt.\u00a0 No, margarine doesn’t count.\u00a0 If you have any margarine in the house, throw it out.\u00a0 That’s not food.\u00a0 If you have a heart condition that dictates your butter consumption, you shouldn’t be eating Reuben\u00a0sandwiches in the first place.<\/p>\n

OK, take the first two slices of bread, put them on a pan, buttered-side down.\u00a0 That’s a joke, they’re buttered on both sides.\u00a0 Take a good whack of the sauerkraut, and how much is going to depend on the size of your bread, and put it on another pan – you’re going to cook off the juice, and it’s going to love you for it.\u00a0 Now put the first sandwich-worth of corned beef on a pan – could be the same pan as the sauerkraut, doesn’t matter.\u00a0 This pan will be a little hotter than the one with the bread.\u00a0 \u00a0Cook the individual strips of corned beef until they’re shriveled a bit, then flip them.\u00a0 Now’s a good time to flip the bread, too.\u00a0 Once flipped, pour a good dab of the Thousand Island on one of them, baste it all over, and spread the excess on the second one.\u00a0 Just enough is enough.\u00a0 Then, move the corned beef on top of the first slice of bread, then the sauerkraut on top of that.\u00a0 Next, put your tools down and add two slices of the Swiss cheese.\u00a0 Picking your tools back up, put the second slice of bread on top, orange-side down.\u00a0 (That’s not a joke.)\u00a0 Stare at it for a moment, thinking about the proper ratio of meat to kraut and wondering what’s become of the life you dreamed of when you were young, and then flip the sandwich onto the hotter pan. \u00a0When you see the cheese melting like Frosty in the summer sun, you’re ready.<\/p>\n

Here are the tricks, the things you only find out later:<\/p>\n