{"id":3667,"date":"2013-09-13T07:19:07","date_gmt":"2013-09-13T12:19:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/?p=3667"},"modified":"2013-09-13T07:19:07","modified_gmt":"2013-09-13T12:19:07","slug":"manfaq-friday-well-im-ever-upper-class-high-society","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/?p=3667","title":{"rendered":"ManFAQ Friday: Well, I’m Ever Upper Class High Society"},"content":{"rendered":"

This Friday is\u00a0once again answer time at the ManFAQ<\/a>, and so I don my manly mantle as Sage of the Sexes, helping demystify the more malodorous gender for those of the gentler, as we add to the list of questions women have asked about men over the years.\u00a0\u00a0Actual questions, posed by real women, and answered by a REAL man.\u00a0 Like the man said,\u00a0“What could go wrong?”<\/p>\n

\n

Question:\u00a0<\/strong> There’s a study out that says men with smaller testicles make better fathers.\u00a0 Is this true?<\/em><\/p>\n

Answer:\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0 No.\u00a0 Assuming I remember my math and the commutative nature of addition, which also applies to spurious studies, if A equals B, then B also equals A, and therefore your question is actually better phrased as, do great dads have small balls?<\/p>\n

No, no we don’t.<\/p>\n

The study making headlines these days postulates the notion that human men with comparatively smaller testes might turn out to be, as a group, comparatively better fathers than those men with larger testes.\u00a0 And when I say “making headlines,” I mean there were more than 20 at my last glance, all debating the relative merits of the study with various levels of aplomb, decor, and punch lines.\u00a0 Most of them stick pretty closely to the standard “Testicle size linked to father role,” or “Men with smaller testicles may be more nurturing dads.”\u00a0 They move quickly into “Do better dads have smaller gonads?”, “Small testicles equal big parenting skills?”, and “Men with smaller testicles predisposed to hands-on parenting.”\u00a0 Once we’re done thinking about how anyone managed to run a headline with the words “testicles” and “hands-on” in the same line, we get to these gems:\u00a0 “Size Matters: Testicle Size Linked To Nurturing Skills,” “Study: Choose Dads With Smaller ‘Nads,” “Aw, nuts! Nurturing dads have smaller testicles,” and “Dudes With Smaller Balls Are Better Parents, Says Science,” as well as some that have leads of “This is nuts!”<\/p>\n

We’re left with the perpetually feminine-leaning Huffington Post<\/span>, who turns it around: “Men With Big Testicles Less Likely To Be Caring Fathers.”\u00a0 That’s right – it’s not that John Smallberies is a great dad, it’s that John Bigbooty is a bastard.\u00a0 (Like that was news, right?)\u00a0 The Week Magazine<\/span> is the only one in their camp: “Do big testicles really make for bad fathers?” They’re at least asking it as a question; HuffPost just goes straight to “they’re all bastards.”<\/p>\n

Now, this here study was based in Atlanta, GA, and included no more than 70 men, almost all of whom were Caucasian.\u00a0 What can we infer from these facts?\u00a0 First, what is it with those southern boys feeling up each other’s junk?\u00a0 Second, dudes, why so few black guys?\u00a0 Were they afraid to skew the results?\u00a0 Third, Emory University clearly has too much time on their hands.\u00a0\u00a0 Also note this quote from the study:\u00a0 “We’re assuming that testes size drives how involved the fathers are … but it could also be that when men become more involved as caregivers, their testes shrink.”<\/p>\n

This sounds a lot like a couple of academics looking to get an endowment to explain their under-endowment, as it were.\u00a0 They want a plus side – “But hey, at least I’m a good dad!”\u00a0 They want an explanation – “What?\u00a0 No no, they were bigger, um, just this morning, I looked, I swear – they must have shrunk as I was changing the baby!”\u00a0 I’d also love to hear how they recruited volunteers for this study.\u00a0 “Well, first they bought me dinner…”<\/p>\n

And so I here cheerfully refute this premise, coming to my conclusion by generalizing from one example (which everyone does – or at least, I do) – to wit, the hunk with the junk can be an awesome dad as well.\u00a0\u00a0 I leave you with some\u00a0final thoughts from those paragons of brilliant parenting, AC\/DC.<\/p>\n

 
\n