Let me say first that our kids know there are words they\u2019re not supposed to use: The \u201cS\u201d word. The \u201cF\u201d word. The \u201cD\u201d word. Ann Coulter. They know they\u2019re going to get in trouble if we hear these words from their lips. It\u2019s not like we\u2019re telling them it\u2019s OK to go around yelling curse words all the time. It\u2019s not like they hear that shit from me, either \u2013 well, OK, but SOBUMD is from Jersey and she will damn well let you know it. <\/p>\n
So the other day, Number One Son had a hard time undressing for bed \u2013 his shirt was really tight around the neck, and he needed some help pulling it over his head. He then asked me politely if he could please use a swear word. It was just the two of us, so I said to go ahead if he felt he really needed to. <\/p>\n
\u201cDaddy, some shirts are really a bitch.\u201d<\/p>\n
Now, in my house there is no God but Grammar, and Webster is his prophet. The dictionary is probably closer to a holy book in our house than the actual bible. (For those readers expressing surprise, yes, we own a bible or two \u2013 but the dictionaries get read more often.) The words \u201cI don\u2019t care for any more<\/em>\u201d will get you excused from the table; \u201cI don\u2019t care for no<\/strong> more<\/em>\u201d will get you sent to your room. <\/p>\n So it was in this spirit that I explained to Number One Son that Messrs. Strunk and White would probably have him amend his words. First, not to swear at all, but second\u2026 The term \u201cbitch\u201d has a female connotation, and you\u2019re discussing a man\u2019s shirt. I\u2019d rather he say, \u201cthat shirt is a real bastard\u201d \u2013 since it\u2019s a man\u2019s shirt. Of a ladies\u2019 blouse, one might say that it was a bitch, but in general he should try to maintain a consistent gender while cursing. And finally, please, don\u2019t curse at all \u2013 after all, I don\u2019t want to hear that shit from him.<\/p>\n Needless to say this devolved into paroxysms of laughter on his part, since he doesn\u2019t usually hear me use that many curse words in a row unless I\u2019m working on plumbing, reading the news, or writing code. I think he went to sleep channeling George Carlin. When I brought the whole conversation to SOBUMD, she asked what one would do with unisex clothing, such as a hoodie. I maintain the proper cursing etiquette would be to go with the gender of the wearer, leaning toward the masculine when in doubt. <\/p>\n I was reminded of the need in college to instruct my roommate \u2013 brilliant, but new to swearing \u2013 in similar fashion. \u201cThe gerund comes before the noun. You\u2019re not going to sit in effing that chair, you\u2019re going to sit in that effing chair.\u201d After all, if you\u2019re going to swear in the first place, please do so with the proper effing inflection, good goddamm grammar, and wit. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Let me say first that our kids know there are words they\u2019re not supposed to use: The \u201cS\u201d word. The \u201cF\u201d word. The \u201cD\u201d word. Ann Coulter. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[28,5],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/345"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=345"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/345\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":348,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/345\/revisions\/348"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=345"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=345"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=345"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}